Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Things Fall Apart

Well I feel like crap, how about you?

And this is the second time I'm writing this post because my computer decided to do an update without telling me.

Irked does not quite describe it.

So I'm not sure what is wrong with me. Ever since I did that running interval workout last week, I haven't felt great. Lost my appetite. Very tired.

Feeling like the adrenals are pooping out on me.

I upped the Pulmicort, which I've been slowly tapering, but that didn't help.

I may have compounded things by manipulating the pill schedule. (Sue me, I want to go on my vacation, not send my PMSing alter ego.)

But is it possible, I can't tolerate the physical stress from that kind of workout?

My other big concern, the toddler starts preschool soon and you know what that means.


Not just any germs. No, we are talking bad ass kung fu kamikaze germs. If you have kids you know what I am talking about.If you don't have kids, count yourself lucky in that respect.

When I was in the ER in March and the Pulmonology Grand High Poo Bah came down to see me, I was struck by what he said about his family. His wife has asthma. She and the kids were homebound in the early years trying to dodge the germs. She couldn't work and they avoided other kids.

Sadly, I can relate. We have talked about me going back to a 'regular' job but I can't quite get around the fact that one of my daughter's bugs put me in the hospital. Call me lazy, but I can't see how I'm supposed to be the primary parent (even with hubby helping a ton, mommy is still #1, I can't escape it), work full time, cook, clean, and then be sick on a regular basis. I am not psychic, but all I can see is me getting fired for too many sick days in that scenario.

So then we talk about me working second or third shift. Which is great, but that requires a lot of energy as I would essentially have no downtime. I would parent all morning, work all night. When would I exercise, which I consider a medical necessity? How would I avoid exhaustion when I'm already handicapped in the energy department?

So parenthood, chronic illness, and traditional employment are not compatible as far as I can see. Maybe once I'm past the adrenal stuff? Maybe once my quick-to-trigger lungs finally settle down? Maybe once the toddler is a bit older and processed through most of the bugs out there so she's not bringing home anything new anymore?

I do bring in income. I do work, but it's nothing 'traditional'. It's all entrepreneurial. Last  year I was on track to building a nice part-time income online, but then the bad economy hit the internet and I lost everything. Tutoring only brings in income 6 months out of the year, so while it pays well, it's limited.

So, to recap, I feel like crap and I don't know why and working is proving to be problematic. Fun.

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