Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Up Chuck Wagon

We managed the pumpkin patch. I hated every second of it.

I spent the hour long ride there battling the asthma and being so tired and weak, I actually searched my purse looking for steroids. Yes, I actually felt bad enough to justify steroids. However, I didn't have any, which was fortuitous as I did perk up by some miracle. For a while there, I thought I'd have to sit in the car the whole time.

But then the hay ride? Jostled my twitchy gut to the point of pain. I thought I was going to end up hurling over the side of the wagon. So feeling good didn't last too long.

The patch itself was hot, overcrowded and understaffed. Parents were ill-tempered and children ran wild. One mom kicked her son in anger. Yes kicked. Those of us who saw it, couldn't believe it. "Did she just kick her kid?" Yes, yes she did.

I saw the back side, the hubby saw the kid's face crumple and it was all very sad. I wish they had been close enough for me to say something. Because I would have. I am not the momma you abuse your kid in front of.

(And I wish I had gone after her, but she was a ways away and we were just stunned. By the time we all processed what we saw, she was gone.)

Then there was the 7/8ish-year-old girl so selfish she had to take toys from my 3-year-old. WTF? I explained to the girl how the toys worked in case she was confused--it was kind of a game and there were enough toys for everyone. When she snatched all the toys away from my toddler yet again, I told her she should've asked first.

She just looked at me like she was hearing that concept for the first time in her life, and then kept grabbing. So, of course, my kid is in tears. The other girl's mom was right there the whole time, but acted like she was blind, deaf, and dumb. I was starting to turn into Hulk the Momma Bear, which is not my best look.

So I pulled the toddler away and just told her that the girl was not nice and she shouldn't play with her. My 3 year old has better manners and I told her as much. She never once grabbed toys and she tried to share.

I hate those situations. Basically, it tells me I'm raising a kid who will always get screwed because she's doing the right thing. Based on the kids yesterday (and there were hundreds) it's Lord of the Flies anymore. From what I saw, manners just mean you get nothing but hurt.


Anyway, today, I feel better. Not as sick but I know if I exercise, I'll destroy what energy I do have and backslide. What does that mean? That I should take some steroids? Do I need a boost? Or should I stop exercising?

I'm confused. Things are not sustainable and haven't been for a few weeks now, but I don't know what to do about it. I don't think anyone else does either. Adrenal crap is the Mojave of medicine.

Maybe it's another adjustment period. I've gone from doing two things; parenting and exercising to adding a more than full workload. I am so busy, I often can't get to everything that needs to be done. I send frantic last minute emails dumping the responsibility for dinner on the hubby because I've run out of time. I'm sure I need a hell of a lot more cortisol than usual for that kind of schedule. Perhaps the HPAA system is lagging a bit?

Or it could be that the gut is a drain on the system. The pain is progressing in intensity. I had the anesthesia consult and need to call to set up the next round of endoscopy with ultrasound.

The thing I really hate is I trusted my body enough to make formal work commitments, but with the way it's been behaving lately, I am concerned that I'm going to end up letting a lot of people down. And losing income. Again.

1 comment:

  1. By the sounds of it, you have an awful lot on your plate for a person who is managing a chronic illness.

    Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I look at my calendar and notice all of the good days I've had (I track them). It gives me hope that it really is just a bad day, and not another full-out crash.

    I hope tomorrow is better for you.


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