Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fighting About the Other Woman

So I think we all hit our breaking point yesterday.

The hubby feels under-appreciated and overworked.

I feel under-appreciated and overworked.

There were tit-for-tat exchanges to establish who did more, as if that was relevant. Well I did this and you did nothing... But I did this and you did nothing...

Illness is not a good mistress.

The main thing is, I've asked the hubby to be home right now. To not go off gallivanting as is his wont because he's actually going to be out-of-town for a week soon--for business and pleasure. This leaves me at home as a single parent just when I'm due to stop prednisone for a second time. So I want him home to lean on so I can store up reserves for that week.

The hubby has lots of active hobbies that take him all over the place after work. I am a homebody who works at home, which results in an inequitable distribution of who does the most recalcitrant toddler wrangling (me).

Truthfully, I need to do a better job at getting out of the house and develop some external hobbies of my own, but I literally can't hack anything more than I'm doing right now. (But when I feel better? I'm totally going to check into a hotel for a weekend. By myself. So nyah-nyah.)

Anyway, it was ugly last night, but we are repairing the damage today. My frustration is, it is so damn difficult to explain how pervasive chronic illness is to someone who is never sick.

Just because I'm functioning doesn't mean I feel well and it doesn't mean I don't need help. What it means is that I'm simply used to a baseline of feeling like shit and pushing through--I've learned to function in spite of illness. Hubby hasn't built up a tolerance to illness, which is why he was pretty much babied through the stomach flu while I puked and toddler wrangled at the same time--all with malfunctioning adrenal glands.

Just because I did that, doesn't mean I good to go. I'm not. I need rest. I need to recoup. In fact, I probably need someone to tell me to go take a nap because I am much more likely to push and push and push against my limits.

Right now, the hubby just can't go off and have a good time and leave it all on my shoulders. When I'm better, fine, yes, he can go and play hockey until he loses all his teeth, I don't care, but until then, come home and help out.

Disclaimer: Hubby is NOT a slacker. No, no, no. He helps...when he's home. It's just that he's a social butterfly and doesn't stop to think before he says yes to five different things. I end up being the (unintentional) meanie who points out all the double booking and scheduling conflicts created by his acceptance of various invitations and saying 'hey, dude, what about your family?'

Time management and organization are just not his strengths and he would be the first to (grudgingly) admit that. It's an ongoing dynamic that extends back to when we started dating. Sometimes we're better about dealing with it than others. Last night was not one of the better moments.

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