Monday, May 3, 2010

Grudge of the Stomach

Am I alone in being unable to eat certain foods after having the stomach flu? As in I haven't had a Little Debbie cupcake since sometime in the mid 80s (and am all the healthier for it). Chicken wings are now gone, never to return.

This latest bout wiped out my entire palate and food repertoire. Nothing sounds good. Everything makes my gut clench. I'm going to have to come up with a whole new recipe rotation--which is a Herculean task given that it took me about 2 years to develop the current repertoire.

As a result, we've been living on take out for the last week because it's either that or we don't eat. Plus, energy for cooking has been low.

Except all the take out places manage to screw up something on the order. Every. Single. Damn. Time. Does that happen to you? There's always something wrong, major or minor, and I'm about to Lose It and spray spittle at some poor underpaid restaurant manager.

Only not really, because I'm never the one picking up the food, the hubby is. Which means I end up leaving nasty reviews on various review sites around the web instead. I'm currently considering some letters full of choice words to franchise headquarters, because I really want those Asiago croutons on my tomato soup from Panera's, damn it.

How is it when I dine in, my order is fine, but take out is always a hawt mess? Crappy quality control anyone? Gaps in the operation procedures? It's not rocket science or, you know, anything close to High School Algebra, which most restaurant employees are probably trying to muddle through--food orders have to be easier than that x y shit.

The hubby will check the order...if I remind him. If I don't, he won't. And yes, he hears about it, but the hubby thinks I'm cute when I'm ranting so he never takes me seriously.

The thing is, think about why people rely on take out. Because they are busy or sick or hate people or are Sandra Bullock. So chop chop restaurants of America and get your shiz together because right now your food is all I can stomach and I have a family to feed.

Gimme my croutons or else your online rating is going down big time. For realz.

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