Monday, May 9, 2011

Of Queen Bees and Easy Targets

Preschool has been a struggle the past few months.

Did you know that the pre-teen crap starts in preschool, at the age of four. Yes, really four.

FOUR!?!?!? Craziness.

Go read the link. I'll wait. Yeah, I know, it made me blink too. WTF?

Sadly, it sounds a lot like the toddler's preschool, so it's true. It's all true. OMG. Suddenly, I am so grateful I didn't go to preschool that frequently when I was a kid.

The toddler was the absolute youngest in her mixed age group. 2 3/4 to their 3 and 4 (now turning 5). All the relational aggression has rolled downhill and landed on the toddler because the older kids have the social skills (and the desire to practice them) to bury her, much to her utter bewilderment.

I thought it was all social aggression girl stuff. I had been butting heads with the teachers ("It's all normal, what do you want us to do about it?"*) over the whole thing in the hopes my daughter would stop labeling herself as a 'mean girl' or telling me about all the kids who aren't her friend anymore or which ones were going to make fun of her.

As if all that wasn't heartbreaking enough, today I learned there's more to it.

You see, the toddler has been falling at preschool. I did not know this because they never said anything to me (communication is not their strong point), so I naively assumed she wasn't falling.

Except, I learned today, she was. Often into and onto other kids.

Which has given her the rep of being a pusher.

Which is like handing the Queen Bee of the group a match and lighter fluid to better mark the target. No wonder the toddler has been so anxious about going to school the last few months. I would be too! She doesn't know if she's going to fall, who she's going to fall on and if they are going to target her for it or not. That's in addition to all the other social BS. I'm surprised she even walks into the classroom of her own free will. I wouldn't!

I've been dragging my feet on the Early Intervention packet. A form of denial I think, but boy did this news light a fire under my butt. It's ready to go as of 10am this morning, just need to make some copies. The EI program here has a preschool with OT and PT services and hopefully a more sensitive environment where the toddler won't be railroaded socially just because she's got a bum leg.

*Kids pee their pants. They bite people. That's all normal too, but since when do we just throw up our hands and do nothing about it? I didn't get that memo and I'm not sacrificing my kid's self esteem in the name of normal.


  1. Wow, and educators wonder why by jr. high there is such horrible bullying. It seems like they should start the interventions with the younger kids. I recall a queen bee or two at my nursery school/kindergarten. It didn't help that the woman who ran it was an abusive monster who played favorites (with the queen bees). I sort of figured the bad behavior I saw wouldn't have been tolerated at a better daycare. Sad to hear that it is. I hope you can get the toddler into the early intervention program. The poor kid.

  2. I recently heard on the radio some discussion of a book on kids today or bullying (something like that!) and I guess bullying is much worse now than ever.

    Although, I was severely and extensively bullied in 5th grade. Very close to some of the stuff you see on the news now, so my perspective is that it's always been bad and teachers have always sucked at handling it.

    The Queen Bee the toddler is tangling with now has amazing leadership qualities, but I don't see where there has been any guidance for her to develop them positively. The school knows they have a Queen Bee, but she is so strong, they are just outclassed. By a 4 year old!

    Too much drama, that is for sure. Way too much drama for effing preschool. OMG.



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