Sunday, October 16, 2011

Coma of Procrastination

I have work to do, but I don't wanna do it. So, hi. Let's kill some time.

Last year, if you recall, I 'fired' birthday parties. Without fail I would be sick or the toddler would be sick or guests would have H1N1. Every year I cooked a full meal for 30+ people and cleaned my house and dealt with the sick. After the third year in a row, I quit.

Of course, no one was sick for the toddler's birthday this year, which did not surprise me. Murphy's Law likes to make an example of me.

(Don't tell Murphy, but I planned it this way. He thinks he's such a maverick...)

The downside? Three separate birthday parties. Which means an exponential increase in cake consumption.

Ergo, I am so high on sugar right now, I suspect I'm having an out-of-body experience.

And nope, still not gaining or losing weight. It really doesn't matter what I eat or don't eat--within reason, a gallon of ice cream three times a day probably would not end well. I'm just stuck and mostly accepting that I have to be patient and wait my body out.

It doesn't help that I cut back on exercise. Something had to give. My energy is much more balanced now that I'm not trying to work out daily on top of everything else. It frustrates me, but I'm also glad to see an improvement. I just need to keep up with some form of strength training as the push-ups help my neck and the squats keep me from sciatica type pain due to de-conditioning. Plus stabilize the knee that wants to die.

Yes, I'm falling apart. Try not to stare. I'm sure part of it is related to the effects of steroids on my muscles.

The other change, I can get up in the morning now. There's no longer the feeling of wanting to sleep forever. I wake up and I'm ready to go, even if I'm a bit short on sleep. It used to be the toddler would snuggle with me and watch PBS while I snoozed as long as she would let me. Sometimes I would negotiate with her for more sleep. Now I don't need the extra sleep.

That's pretty significant progress actually. I can't remember the last time I was able to just get up and go. Probably sometime before March 2010.

Yes there were some moments where I did pretty well, but the default setting has been being too tired to get up, hitting 'snooze' for 30 to 180 minutes. The metric was, it was a bad day if I couldn't get up until noon, anything earlier was a pass. Now I can bounce out of bed. Now I leave the toddler behind because she wants to finish a cartoon and I'm done laying around. That is a super new normal.

Saturday night, however, the hubby and I went dancing. I couldn't do much more than 2 hours (1.5 of it dancing) before pooping out. Today has been a low energy day for me as a result--just dragging. So I still need to be careful and plan to pay the piper on those occasions that I know will exceed my limits.

I really need to remember that just because the HPA Axis is fine on paper, does not mean I can go 1000mph. I've done this before. The recovery is always a slow progression. This has been the most gentle one yet. In past HPAA suppressions, I was cut loose on double digit doses of prednisone and the steroid withdrawal was crippling for up to a year after.

I mean, I can exercise! That in of itself is pretty amazing, even if I have to scale back. Prior episodes, I would try to go for a walk and end up sitting on the sidewalk, weeping in frustration as I waited or the hubby to go get the car to pick me up.

You don't come out of suppression one day and go back to full capacity the next. That's like taking off a leg cast and immediately trying to run a marathon. Why do I always forget this?

Give it time. Give it time. Give it time. My new mantra.

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