Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Reflections on Progress

Still no news on the GI front,but that's not what I wanted to talk about today.

This morning I got up at the crack of dawn, did the dishes, dressed and fed my kiddo, packed her lunch and made her laugh by singing an impromptu song about putting a 'moose' in her hair when she asked me to style it for her.

I drove her to school and came home feeling ready to work. I've been doing this for two weeks now.

In other words, I have energy as opposed to adrenal insufficiency.

Being able to get up and go in the morning has really been about the last thing to 'come back.' It really kicked in over the summer and I'm so grateful.

For a long time I couldn't get up in the morning. It didn't matter if I wanted to or not, my body just wasn't ready to be conscious. When I did get up, I often went back to bed.

There would even be times when I was gung ho about starting my day and  feeling pretty good only to be flat on my back again just an hour after going upright. The fatigue of HPA axis suppression/adrenal insufficiency was an anchor holding me down, holding me back.

I'm so glad it's gone. For real this time.

It wasn't depression as the trolls often liked to tell me. I've read Hyperbole and a Half who just recently posted a long comic on depression. I've seen clinical depression up close and personal in my family. I've never felt or behaved like that. I've never not wanted to be better. I've never not pushed and pushed myself to rise above the fatigue. Any inability to rise to the occasion was not a sign of mental illness.

The trolls scare me because they are out there practicing medicine and they don't know the difference between mental illness and adrenal problems.

I had hoped to step off this ride by now and am unhappy to find I'm still trapped on the medical merry-go-round by other issues. Basically, the only time I've been free of medicine were the years between 0 and 15.

Being sick can kill you even when there's a cure.

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