Not Following the Rules

I had a hot flash. It hit in the middle of the night. I kept peeling off clothes and kicking off covers trying to cool off.

Then my body went 'So you think you're menopause? I'll show you. Here's every cycle you've missed of the last nine months all at once.'

I believe that resets the clock on menopause, doesn't it? I have to go for a year without a cycle, right? I keep going almost a year since my kiddo was born and then coming up short.

Meanwhile I've been exercising and starving and not losing weight. The last ten days or so I've been trying a new approach. I don't eat dinner. We juice and then that's it, nothing until the next day. Kind of like an intermittent fast which is supposed to improve insulin sensitivity.

In practice, it feels a lot like starvation.

By nine p.m. my stomach is in knots and I can't tell if I 'm hungry or if I'm going to throw up. Last night I broke down and had a piece of cheese because I was afraid I wouldn't keep down my medicine if I took it on an empty stomach.

When I go to bed, I'm so hungry it's hard to sleep. I wake up hungry. I eat. I do eat, but it doesn't stop the hunger at night.

So I've been suffering for about ten days through this misery now. I'm working out too. Hard. Haven't lost a pound. Today I finally showed a loss of 0.4 lb. Ten freaking days and that's all I get? Wow. That sucks.

My husband is kind of doing the same thing I am except he eats more at night than I do--he can't stand the hunger and skips breakfast a lot. He's lost five pounds. Breaking all the rules.

My belief is that I can't eat anymore. My body is too insulin resistant to miss an opportunity to gain weight. I had hoped I could trigger weight loss with the current approach, but that's not happening. What I was doing before didn't work either.

So now what?  Starve all the day long? I don't know if I can do that. My saving grace right now is that I know I can eat the next morning, that gets me through the nights.