Midnight Mumblings

Spent a half day at the big medical mecca. Saw a hepatologist. Got stuck over and over for blood work. Trying to find a way up.

Naturally, there's no way these growths could be the source of pain or a reason to go to the ER.

I mean, this only happens to like, .004% of women. And it's the only abnormal finding I have. And the pain is right over and around my fucking liver.

But let's not allow Occam's Razor get in the way of medicine's pathological need to deny all things all the time.

I had no idea you could cherry pick when Occam's Razor applies.

And of course, out of the other side of their mouth they're telling me that the tiny lesions are bursting and that's why I have pain.

PICK A LANE, PEOPLE!

Now I can't sleep. I'm exhausted, though. And frustrated and stressed and tired and my stomach hurts. I see some random OB/GYN today to discuss getting off birth control pills and the possibility of a hysterectomy.

I don't want a hysterectomy, but I think it's the right move. But I really don't want major surgery. I don't want to deal with doctors any more than I have to. Medicine is like a horrible ex I can't get away from.

And the OB/GYN is a man, which increases the odds of mansplaining and talking over me by about 1000%.

I will say, on the GI side, I'm seeing female doctors now and it's better. They still say all sorts of stupid, baseless shit just like their male counterparts, which I don't know why doctors think they can just blurt out any old diagnosis without doing the empirical leg work.You'd think that would come back to bite them often enough that they would stop. Apparently not. 

The big difference is female doctors actually order tests to actually find out things. Male doctors just talk over ya and boot ya to the curb. Exhibit A: The male GI who talked over me, said he would call and then ghosted like a bad Tinder date. Exhibit B: The female doctors ordering the tests. Exhibit C: The hepatologist said as much today lol.

Aside from OB/GYN, I'm waiting on a liver biopsy to be scheduled as well. My liver looked funky enough that the radiologist couldn't rule out cancer.

My blood work must've had some kind of asap rush on it because results started pinging my email within two hours. Thankfully, everything is mostly normal (for me).  Liver is working well despite all the growths and the NAFLD. Creatinine is a smidge abnormal, but I'm going to chalk that up to dehydration. By the time I did the blood work I hadn't eaten in 18 hours and had barely had any water.

And I do have some nominal wins to report. (I'll take what I can get right now.)

I'm not diabetic, which I always worry about because of PCOS and all those high dose steroids I took for asthma back in the day. Insulin resistant, yes. That shows in my A1C, but no type 2, not yet. Knock wood, not ever.

I'm not anemic. The stuff I do to keep my iron up is working. 

My cholesterol is as perfect as I can make it. I've had problems again with high triglycerides. Thanks to PCOS, they spike off and on. When I was younger I could manage the dyslipidemia with diet, but as I age, of course, that isn't enough.

Naturally, the statin the PCP gave me permanently damaged my feet.  I'm told they were supposed to tell me to take COQ10 with it, but that didn't happen and now the balls of my feet hurt all the time. It's been over a year and it's not getting better.

So I ditched the statin, didn't even make it two weeks, the pain in my feet was that bad. My PCP did not give one shit, didn't even suggest a different med or anything. I was left on my own to figure it out.  Which I did. And I brought my triglycerides down from 600 to normal.

It took a while and I have no idea how well it will maintain, but I did it. I used niacin, COQ10 and fish oil coupled with intermittent fasting and more consistent exercise, which let me be clear, I am not breaking any fitness records over here. At all. That is my constant struggle, to find energy and time for exercise.

And by time, I don't just mean I'm a busy working mom, I have to process through things like random broken elbows and surprise concussions and asthma and whatever is blowing up in my gut on a rotating basis.

Looping back to the hysterectomy for a moment. One concern I have is I'm going to get rid of all my hormones, not be able to use HRT and be miserable. The other concern, how the loss of hormones will affect my heart. The dyslipidemia can be pro heart attack and tough to beat back at times. I hate the idea that I might be making heart stuff more possible.

Or maybe I'm over thinking it.  I don't where up is at the moment. I haven't found my North Star for all of this yet.