Saturday, October 23, 2010

Diving into the Tear Pool

Well the toddler did not nap yesterday and I am the kind of mommy who was a light sleeper going into motherhood, and now, with the mommy radar? I can not sleep unless the toddler is sleeping. Every song, every whisper, holler, and bam of books as they hit the sides of the crib keep me on the edge.

Then the hubby came home, he who has the gift of death sleep. He crashed into bed and began snoring like a dragon with sleep apnea.

So between a rock and a hard place...

I began smacking the hubby on the shoulder and hissing for him to roll over. The toddler started screeching the ABC song like an opera singer with laryngitis and a love of Chinese music scales.

At which point, I actually cried because I was so tired and I knew there was going to be no nap for me.

The hubby was resentful because I made him get up with the toddler. He had no clue I was in the middle of a taper not going well. He doesn't pay attention, he doesn't ask and I don't bother him with it for the most part. When I do tell him, he forgets.

So...the result? Mutual resentment, every marriage's third wheel. Public displays of which are also fun at parties.

This is a problem and I don't know the solution.

Anyway, I took some Nyquil last night and got abut 8.5 hours uninterrupted sleep with another 2 trying to ignore the wailing of the toddler. Note to hubby, you have to feed the littles, they are unpleasant inmates otherwise. Adults can skip breakfast, children can't unless you actually want them to behave like unmedicated lunatics.

So yesterday imploded pretty spectacularly. Today is hurting, the sleep was not nearly enough, I could have slept all day if not for the way my house conducts the shrieks of the toddler straight into my throbbing head. The 3mg taper officially sucks ass.

I overdid it yesterday, I know. I had the toddler out on the town from 9 until 2. Too much for me. But I needed a hair cut desperately, I've now lost too much hair to do long hair. My mother's group sent out a call for help, I showed up. That was dumb.

As usual I was fine right up until I hit the windshield of the universe going 80 million miles per hour. SPLAT.

Now I am trying to figure out how to survive this adult Halloween party the hubby is all hepped up about going to tonight as well as how I'm going to manage the groceries. I was supposed to go last night and couldn't. Thought about trying this morning and can't. Tomorrow will probably be out by virtue of the party.

Can't send the hubby on his own either as I've switched stores and shopping strategies, it would be a financial disaster for him to go by himself right now.

Hopefully I will get lucky and my body will adjust to this taper sooner as opposed to later so I can once again handle the simple things most everyone else does without a second thought.


  1. Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. When I read your stories of parenting with a chronic illness, I wonder if I am really up for being a mother. I can't imagine when I'm feeling my worst having to take care of another human being. You must have some amazing inner strength to tap into. Any advice for a woman on the fence with the whole pregnancy issue?

  2. I keep meaning to ask, why are you so determined to get off the steroids?

    I ask because I've been on various doses for three years. My maximum was 40mg and I've mostly been on 2mg for a year [i.e. after operations I'll go up to 10mg for three days then back down again]. If I go below that my disease flares and we have to put it up again. At such a low dose I don't have the associated side effects [that I notice anyway].

    I'm sure I just missed something somewhere and there's a very good reason for why you don't want to be on them. I just know they help me rather a lot.


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