Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Stream of Conscious Anger

Today I am angry.

And sleep deprived.

And forgetting to eat. Again.

Neither of which help the anger.

I'm angry that doctors don't listen to me.

That I'm dealing with SAI again.

That I don't have a doctor or doctors providing any kind of cohesive care.

I am angry at my pulmonologist.

Who did not listen to me.

Who does not appear to understand adrenal suppression.

I'm angry that I would probably win a bet on who knew more about adrenal suppression, me or the pulmo.

I am angry that I will have to swallow my anger in order to move forward with the pulmonologist, that they will be allowed to think they did it right, when they hurt me much more than they helped me.

I am angry that I probably will need to find a new pulmonologist as a result. Mine is probably one of the better ones. Which is kind of sad to say.

I am angry at the endo who has not objectively documented, in any way shape or form, what is going on with my adrenals.

Meaning the next (and FOURTH) time this happens, no one will listen to me. Again.

I am angry that I had to go back to school and take pre-med classes for almost 2 years to figure out what was wrong with me.

And then insist on testing because again the doctors didn't believe me when SAI struck a second time. At least that time they ordered testing and it proved me correct.

Not that it helps me now.

What is wrong with all these doctors? SAI is not unheard of. Yes my body's version of SAI lasts forever and its course is not textbook as far as I've read, but it's not a huge cognitive or scientific leap to look at my history and go, 'yeah, maybe we should check those cortisol levels.'

Medscape says there are upwards of 6 million people with Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. Most of them go undiagnosed and are probably okay because their brain obediently starts working when the textbooks say it should.

Or maybe this is where all those people with trendy 'adrenal fatigue' come from. Has science considered that? Huh? Has it?

I didn't think so.

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