Monday, November 21, 2011

The Push to Push

I'm trying out a new blog name. One that doesn't make website filters choke. Possible other changes to come...

My current fatigue coping mechanism is the memory of everything I did with an am cortisol of 1 back in the late 90s.

I drove because I had to.

I showed up.

Exercise... was a disaster. Umm, let's just pretend I didn't write that.

Moving on...

There was no pansy-ass wilting. Granted, the symptoms are harder on me, but I also bet my am cortisol is higher than 1.

So when I think I can't do something, I just remind myself of all I have done and will do again.

Sunday seemed better. (Oh please don't let me jinx myself writing that!) Still tired but no nausea and reduced stomach pain. Had a 'positive dance sign' but had to sit down as the fatigue just pulled on me like an anchor.

I think I may have figured out the trigger. My family is being particularly whackadoo of late and some of it was not only directed at me, but dumped in my lap for me to fix.

Sometimes families suck and mine is pretty good at that. We have pulled back on our holiday plans, staying close to home, keeping things quiet and avoiding the people who are stressing me the f*ck out.

I am beginning to think that some things need to change and maybe we won't be doing every single holiday with these folks going forward. Time for less involvement, not more.

This is one reason why I had hoped the hubby's cross country gig would work out. Some genetic isolation would be welcome. However, it did not pan out. Which is good in the sense that there was a fatal shooting at his hotel during the interview--never a good sign when that happens especially if first responders are FBI and ATF, not local police-- and the town recently caught on fire requiring massive evacuations.

Pretty sure the second I set foot out that way, the apocalypse would officially begin.


  1. This sure is a jam packed post! I hear you on the family stress. Husband and I are doing a very quiet, small thanksgiving this year and I am looking forward to it. I hope yours is more relaxing than not.

    I like the new name!

    Reminding yourself of your resiliency is a great idea. You will get through. Rest when you need to, do what you can. You'll get by and there will be better days.

  2. Thanks! Yes things are super busy with a lot going on on this side. It's tiring.


  3. I'm going to need to get used to the new name (if you're keeping it?), but I think I like it. :)

    Sorry to hear that your extended family is causing enough stress for you to think it's the trigger. That sucks! But I totally grok crazy family stress and the need to stay away on holidays.

    Hang in there, M!


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