Diagnosis of a Troll

So I had a troll stop by. One with weak reading comprehension.

They diagnosed me with depression.

It's not like they commented on one of my more emo posts either. Or one of the over-the-top chatty ones, fueled by high dose steroids. No, they picked the post where I discussed the pros and cons of prednisone and hydrocrotisone.

Because nothing says depression like debating the merits of various medications?

I have to say, as crazy as my medical interactions have been, I've never once been diagnosed with depression. Nor do I think I'm depressed. Frustration and trying to find solutions/answers does not constitute depression. Fighting for better health is not depression. Freaking out when weird stuff happens to me is also not depression. I defy anyone to watch their body go apesh*t while doctors refuse to help and not panic.

If I thought Prozac or Xanax or hell, even pot would cure the asthma, the low am cortisols, the weakness, the vomiting, diarrhea and abdominal pain and the zig-zagging blood pressure, I would be on it.

The troll also scolded me to stop getting medical information from the internet. Dumb patients don't know what's good for them. Close your eyes, cover your ears and open wide for the damn Prozac already.

Listen, honey, pull your head out of your ass and hear this...

First, it's not like I'm getting my medical advice from Perez Hilton or those medbloggers who think patients exist solely to be punchlines on their blogs. The fact you can't recognize that is sad.

Second, I have taken college level biochemistry, anatomy & physiology, pathophysiology. An A in all courses (being sick with something no one understands is very motivating).

Third, I sat for a limited medical license from the State Medical Board, which tested me on those basics. I aced it.

See back when this first happened to me, we didn't have the internet like we do today. I had to go back to school and actually learn everything firsthand.

Thank God I did because I went right from my last class into another HPA axis suppression. (That, troll, is the "good reason" I'm not a doctor. If I had ever had the health to support such a rigorous career, I would've done it.)

Tell me, troll, if I'm depressed and dumb, how is it I'm the only one ever getting the diagnosis right?

Of course, I don't know everything. I know that, duh. The problem is medicine thinks it does when it doesn't. At least I do know enough to save myself. Can't say the same for medicine.

Medicine is profoundly flawed on multiple levels. Just the fact I had to go through 2 years of schooling in order to successfully plead for a simple am cortisol draw is evidence of that.

Someday you will get sick. Someday medicine will do to you what it's done to me. Someday you'll understand and you will remember your comment with shame.

It is just a matter of time.