Leading Up to 5mg

So I'm writing the preamble to some hot vampire sex in my story (What? You thought I was the War and Peace type? Ha! Try it and see if it sells--pssst...it doesn't. Not unless there is beaucoup hot vampire sex) and I got an inquiry for some consulting on the business book I did.

I can feel my brain splitting into quadispheres trying to handle it all. This piece is family and housekeeping. Then there's writing. Then there's business/tutoring/all the other part-time gigs. Then there's the health piece.

When they collide, there's an explosion.

By the way, I am not actually certain that quadispheres is a word, but it sounds good, right?

So of course I'm tired. Blah blah blah--you know the story. Thinking of taking 5mg so I can get by without a nap because there is no time for that today.

It's 60F out today. I want to take the toddler for a bike ride and not be drunk with fatigue for my evening meeting for one of the part-time gigs as a result.

I want to be able to write more tonight without having to prop my eyes open with toothpicks.

I want to exercise without worrying about what it will cost me later.

Why is that so hard?

Why Everything Tastes Like Soap to Me: The Correlation Between Hyper-olfaction and Adrenal Insufficiency

A fellow HPAA Suppression buddy turned me on to this ancient study from 1966:

"In adrenal insufficiency the olfactory sensitivity was roughly 100,000 times (range 103 to 108) more acute than that in the normal subjects.

Treatment with prednisolone, 20 mg per day,returned olfactory thresholds to normal in every patient within the first day, frequently before any change in serum electrolyte concentrations or body weight. When treatment with prednisolone was stopped, the increased olfactory sensitivity did not reappear for 5 to 7 days, or 1 to 3 days after taste sensitivity had become maximal."

(Source: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC292845/pdf/jcinvest00268-0123.pdf)

Saturday, the day I caved and took 5mg so I didn't kill people with my car, I experienced intense anti-hunger. Nothing tasted right. We indulged in our little Falafel fetish and I couldn't eat it despite greedy anticipation. It didn't taste right. Hubby thought it was fine, so I assumed it was just me being me.

The Fatoush salad tasted okay, but I couldn't eat it either and kept starting a bite only to put the fork back down.

(Oddly enough the restaurant did not agree with our systems and I wonder if, perhaps, my sensory overload is actually able to pick up on problems with food. The last time I was the only one who thought something tasted funny, there was a food recall.)

I've also taken to running a second rinse in the dishwasher, otherwise, everything I eat tastes like Cascade. I'm the only one affected this way. It all tastes fine to everyone else.

My sense of smell is definitely more sensitive than it was even during pregnancy. I haven't bothered to correlate it with when I'm feeling insufficient vs. normal, but it definitely showed up to party on Saturday.

Sunday was better, but then I exercised, which means Monday has pretty much sucked. I have dialed down the intensity on the workouts, aiming for very low impact with minimal strength work, but even that is, apparently, too much. Zippo appetite today and just farking exhausted.

Work has been productive though. I'm in the throes of a story that has me by the throat. I went grocery shopping at Costco and the story was playing in 3D in the back of my mind the whole time--it's like living in a dream state that is constantly demanding you sit down and listen. It won't last so I'm trying to maximize writing time to get it all out before it goes *poof*.

Speed Blogging

Good News: No one is puking and no one has lice.

Bad News: Preschool teacher was out with the pukes.

So we are still on puke watch, just for different reasons.

Good News: I did two elliptical workouts last week without the adrenal GI symptoms I'd been having.

Bad News: They completely ruined my day, wiping me out anyway.

And of course, the second I start feeling better I become very busy doing things because I can. And then, of course, I hit the wall and it sucks.

Today I hit the wall. Poor appetite, weakness and very tired, unable to wake up. So irritating and I am scheduled with something to do literally every minute of the day--I have five minutes before I have to leave for my next obligation.

So I took 5mg and it is helping.

The end.

Puke Watch 2012

I'm so tired, I could just fall asleep as I type, so bear with me.

Things are, overall, going well with some hiccups along the way.

Sunday we all had a mild case of food poisoning. I upped my fluids and increased salt and didn't worry too much about it, but it did end up derailing me for about 48 hours. However, the adrenal component was only at 30% strength, which is a pretty major improvement. Instead of feeling weak for days, I felt adrenal weak for a couple hours. But then, the next day I was super tired. Which was annoying, but it passed.

Then today, I took the toddler to an indoor playground and a kid upchucked all over the place. Worse, the mom didn't take that as a sign to go home, so we did, basically throwing away the money we paid for the entrance fee.

I just have no words for that mom. You just don't do that if you're a halfway decent parent. Actively vomiting kids don't go to school or playdates or indoor parks. It's just not done. Not if you want to have mom friends or your kid to have playmates. Now if you want everyone to talk about you in an unflattering manner, then let your kid puke and play. Trust me, no one was without a snide opinion.

And the staff was clueless, "We don't have any policy in place for this." Wimpy teenagers afraid of conflict. Humph.

I told the hubby, if we start puking, we're going to the park and finding those people's cars. So help me, I will store it if I have to for future transport. Yes I am that mad about it.

I will be so pissed if I get sick because stomach flu will definitely mean steroids. Hopefully, we weren't exposed and it was just food poisoning.

Plus, have I mentioned Lice Watch 2012? No? Yeah, that's because I'm pretending it's not happening. We don't have lice yet and I think our odds are good to keep it that way, but yes, I am checking my kid's hair for lice like a chimp with a hair fetish.

Oh and I exercised today. Just a 30 minute elliptical workout. I had normal strength and stamina ( as opposed to adrenal strength and stamina). But it wiped me out pretty good after. Those annoying adrenals. Really I thought I would do better as the day-to-day has been pretty solid, but I guess exercise is still an adrenal minefield.

As for my knee...I think it's just the patella not tracking right. Not that I can say for sure, but I think/hope I just need a brace maybe? I'm just ignoring it a the moment, I can't afford a doctor visit because we have crappy health insurance.

And that's it. I am SO going to bed. If nothing makes sense, it's the adrenals.

All Over the Place

I promised myself to stay off the computer today and give my body a break. I've been working on the computer so much, my back hurts from top to bottom.

But the hubby took the toddler off on some jaunt to a friend's house and I should probably take the time to work.

But I need a break.

Can't decide how to resolve the conflict so here I am.

Hi. How are you?

Still doing pretty well. Feeling kind of run down, and was fighting a sore throat/congestion bug yesterday.

Where I'm really in trouble is with my knee. My poor sainted knee. I would not blame it if it reported me for domestic violence.

Did a side kick about a month ago and felt a small *pop*. It's been grinding ever since, like fingernails on chalkboard. The patella is slanted, but I think it's been like that.

Have no idea what to do for it and the idea of going to the doctor makes me feel all adrenal and like I might possibly be allergic. I don't want to be the patient that makes Amelia Bedelia a diagnosis.

But I can't do my squats either and you know how I love me some squatting. HooRAH.

Books are doing well. I don't know how sustainable any of it is, the industry is constantly shifting which is annoying. The evolution of the internet is all about giving small webpreneurs the shaft. However, if I can build on it, I may be able to actually make an income at some point. The trick is to be prolific while still maintaining quality--that's a hard trick, in case you were wondering.

The other trick is to stay ahead of the plagiarists who are really just credit card thieves. They scrape content, republish it and then charge to the limit. Ever see an ebook listed for $100 $700? That's probably a stolen credit card laundering scheme. Especially if the cover is particularly bad.

Still no exercise. I've been working too hard to take the time and then I was kind of maybe sick. Plus, I'm in a place right now where I don't miss it too much. That means I need to find a Zumba class stat.

Waking Up

Toddler slept in until almost 9am today! Woot!

She appears to also have grown another quarter inch. At this rate she'll surpass professional basketball players by 2013.

She also makes me practice 10-1=9, 9-1=8 etc... before I tuck her in at night.

Plus we do 'reading cheers' as she's ready to read but tries to tell me 'that's for older kids mom'. So I call BS with cheerleading for literacy. Note: I was never an actual cheerleader.

(Cheers are a made-up thing where we clap out the letters to a word and do a motion that means the word--like for book you fold open your hands like you're reading a book or for up, you point up. She's into it so I make like Cheri Oteri and pretend I'm killing it on SNL.)

OMG the cuteness slays me. She's going through a fun phase.

I have mostly caught up on sleep. My energy has been good, I had some adrenal weakness with the sleep deprivation and there was one day where I regretted not canceling work, but it was, overall, mild. For the first time in almost two years I would call myself resilient. I bounced more than I crashed.

I worked my ass off, publishing 3 different stories this week. Plus two student gigs at night.

My appetite has been steroid insane except I haven't had any in a while. It's like my body woke up and realized it was missing about two years of calories. I actually gained weight, which is a huge change. I didn't even eat any pie!

The only thing I haven't done is add exercise to the mix. Will be interesting to see what happens with that.

Wii Tired

Mike stopped by and left a comment on the whole Wii Motion Plus thing...

The wii motion plus is now being incorporated into every wii remote. It should have been there from the beginning. An accelerometer just can't give the feedback needed.
I hacked a wii motion plus with a tri wing screwdriver to make some sensors for a self balancing robot. Worked great.

The second he started linking to a thing actually called a 'Nintendo Screwdriver' my brain began to melt.

However, I did want to say, I totally agree that it is incorporated into every Wii remote with one caveat: It's only the Nintendo brand products. If you buy an off brand, trying to save money, guess what? You may need to spend another $20 for the Motion Plus thing-y which is mostly out of stock due to a)Xmas and b)everyone else knows you just buy the brand name remote so demand is kind of low.

Although I think I still saved $10. It only took me three internet searches, thirty minutes of swearing in confusion at the Wii when it wouldn't let our off brand remote play the game without the Motion Plus attachment, and two trips to the store once we got a clue to do so.

Totally your call on whether or not all that was worth it to save $10.

The toddler is not sleeping anymore. So I am a little punch drunk. Exhibit A: I was talking about finding shrunken heads in a linen closet (true story) while working at an elementary school today.

To adults. Not kids. I bet the kids would've loved it though.

Anyway, she's going through a growth and development spurt. She grew a 1/4" this week for a total of 2" in two months and I overheard her working out rudimentary subtraction. Five, take away one is, 1,2,3, FOUR! Four take away one is 1,2 THREE!

So, she's amazing and I feel like shit.

Rambling, Rambling, Rambling

I have a lot to say about adrenal glands, but have not been able to sit down and gather my thoughts. I just completed two projects and have been consumed with getting them launched.

By the way...my last project, the novella, averages 4 star reviews. I have been very blessed with happy readers (although at least one reviewer still has it out for me). However this has not translated into serious sales, which is interesting. I even did a free promotion and made it up to #10 on various best seller lists with several thousand copies distributed. That garnered me another 4 star review and that was it. Such a confounding business this writing stuff.

Oh wait, I'm off topic. I'm kind of all over the place today. Okay, my health... I am back to the same old, same old pattern. Exercise makes things worse. Even mild exercise. Without steroids I can be way more tired than I should be. Yet if I take steroids, even a low dose would probably be too much now as I'm not in the hole any more.

So, you know, trucking along. The usual 'having so much fun with fatigue sloths are jealous.'

Went to church yesterday and they sang a traditional hymn for once. We go to the 'contemporary praise' service because the timing is better for us. Normally they sing emo bipolar-off-their-meds songs about self loathing --All set to a danceable beat which makes it even creepier. I keep waiting for us to start cutting together.-- but yesterday they slipped in a traditional hymn.

I love hymns. They are deeply spiritual for me in a way that sermons never are. As a teen, I used to inexpertly bang them out on a piano for hours on end. I have missed them because I am not an Emo Goth for Christ. (If you are, boy, can I recommend a church service for you!)

Spirit of the Living God is so beautiful. Such a pure harmony. And, for whatever reason, no one else sang it yesterday except me and the lead band singer. Our voices blended really nicely to where the pastor requested 'one more time' and, inside the notes, there was a beauty of stillness, the way a bell tone hangs in the air. The notes washed through me with aching sweetness. It was a like a meditation.

So what I'm saying, is I like hymns and yesterday was a good day for that. Making today good for purple prose on the topic.

We also signed up for the chili cook off fundraiser, which is really the kind of thing I go to church for. That and Sunday School for the toddler.

Here's a typical scenario of how I volunteer when I don't know how I'll feel. First, I evaluated what I could do that would not lock me into a specific day or time. In this case, providing chili and dessert. Yes it has a deadline, but I can work ahead and take breaks during. Then, I asked the hubby to volunteer for grunt work on the day of, so, if I feel well enough, I can slip in too.

He wanted to volunteer anyway so it worked out well. I still remember Xmas 2010 when I had volunteered to work the Breakfast with Santa at the toddler's preschool, but was too ill to do so on the day of and had to send the hubby instead. That raised some eyebrows, so I think it's better to show up as a bonus extra helper than bow out at the last minute.

C'est tout.

Better

It turned out to be a good call stopping the steroids. Would not have predicted that, but glad I listened to the instinct to do so.

Energy was even with some minor fatigue. Minor like the way you feel after the flu is done with you; better but still needing some sleep.

Not sure what the rest of today will bring or tomorrow for that matter. This is probably weird, but mostly I'm afraid of what will happen next. I can't ever seem to get ahead of the game here. Not in any meaningful way.

It feels like it will never end. Never be over. Never be behind me but always before me, pouncing.

I was told by a mom friend to be optimistic, to which I responded, I tried that and had a crisis instead.

So they said, bitch your way through.

I thought that's what I was doing, I said.

Haven't I? I've kept a baseline of fitness going. I've maintained most of my commitments. It has not been easy and I have not always been 100%, but I think, overall, I have learned to work around/through/with the fatigue as much as possible.

They want me to commit to a stair run and a 5k. I can't. Maybe the day of, if I've been able to work out consistently, I could, but I have no idea how I will feel. I don't even know if my next work out is going to be safe. I can't count on being able to perform right now.

I explained that it's like a 24/7 mono. Or a flu that never gets better.

So I try not to make promises I can't keep.

Maybe that's not bitch enough, but it's the only way to navigate it that I can see.

Sorry if I'm not bitch enough for you. I'm trying.

Chatty

For all us dancing divas, can I just recommend the LED light wands from the Target toy section? (Or something like this from Amazon.)We got one for the toddler and we love turning off the lights and using the light wand. In fact, we plan to invest quite heavily in funky lights for dancing in the dark.

We're kind of committed to the dancing thing. Or is it... we should be committed for the dancing thing? I always forget.

This is why I kind of can't wait to try the dancing games on the Wii.

Also, I spent most of the day kicking myself for using the phrase 'feral monkeys' in yesterday's post because aren't all monkeys pretty much feral? Even the alleged tame one that ripped off that woman's face? I should have gone with feral cats.

It ate at me and I refused to let myself go in and edit it because this blog is not about quality. In any way shape or form. I am way too busy editing other stuff to edit this blog.

Yet here I am, fixated on something you probably aren't even thinking about.

Anyway, it's feral cats, people.

Maybe my inner editor will stop hyperventilating now.

Thursday started well but I got bogged down with fatigue. I'm not sure what was going on, but I think I'm going to try and not take anything today. Just because there was a teeny tiny feeling of possibly too much steroid. I'm not sure I believe that feeling and certainly the sensation of adrenal pain was stronger, but it doesn't hurt to try.

This has really really really sucked. I told the hubby that next time I am huddled on the couch, shivering from cold, hunched over from nausea, afraid to even move lest I hurl to please please please suggest that maybe I should take some steroids. Maybe even bring me the pills with some water even. Because I am not above doing stupid things like thinking serious adrenal symptoms do not require steroids.

You know why I didn't take any that day? Because I had taken 5mg for the hike. I kept thinking, 'but I took 5mg' like that made it okay. It didn't.

More Steroids and Wii (with comments on comments)

I locked myself out of the house last night. Doh. Hubby and toddler were at Disney on Ice... the event that manages to add $10 per ticket in fees. Which is kind of why I didn't go. Too expensive for the three of us, even with the nose bleed seats.

So, after work, I went shopping. The toddler needed things like underwear and socks.(And OMG the swimsuits are out already, which means I have to buy them NOW before they go out of stock. So stupid. It's January people!) Plus, I finally got a new BP unit--that whole process has been a comedy of errors. At one point, Amazon gave me a $10 credit because they screwed up so badly. Without anything shipping or me even spending any money.

Then there's a whole story about my doctor's prescription for it and home health screw ups and my stupid insurance. Basically, the reason it took me 2? 3? months to get this thing is not my fault.

5mg yesterday was okay, but felt like an underdose. Slugged through most of the morning, finally perking up in the afternoon. My energy was good for coming home from work to sit on the couch last night. Not so good for killing two hours shopping. I became very, very tired and regressed to being fatigued enough to doze in the car.

On a whim, I took some sublingual B12 yesterday. Who knows what effect it had or didn't have, but I woke up much better today. (So far.) I'm going to stick with 5mg for a little bit longer. I do not see exercise in my future any time soon.

I did not have a crisis, but I had a brush with some kind of adrenal badassery. This is going to take a while. (And feeds my suspicion/fear that I will never be the same again.)

Thanks to Aviva for that list of useless Wii things. I agree with all of it except the Motion Plus accessory. You have to have it or you can't play the games that use it and it is standard on the Wii brand remotes--meaning it's now being incorporated into every game. I thought I was being so frugal buying an off brand kids' remote for $29 vs. the $40 Wii price, except it didn't come with Wii Motion Plus.

We spent an hour sniping at each other and the Wii trying to figure out why her remote wouldn't work with the one game we have. Nothing like technology problems to bring out the best in people! It didn't help that the game's messages to us were not upfront about what we needed.

"You need a remote to play this game."

No shit Sherlock! Look? See this remote here? The one I'm about to shove up your Sync button?

"You need a remote to play this game."

At that point, the hubby and I turned on each other, behaving a lot like feral monkeys who've eaten a case of Pixie Stixs.

Like I told the hubby, I would be interested in the 10th generation of this technology. Not loving the first/second generation so much. But I hear there are better games out there, such as the dance games. (And just say NO to dance shame. Dancing is cool. The only people who poo-poo it are the ones who can't dance!)

And thank you, Aviva for using the affiliate link. We don't make a lot, but it helps keep me in low carb necessities and vitamins.

Upward

I took about 8 mg yesterday in a split dose. It was a miracle. Huge difference.

So today I will do just 5mg for the day and see how it goes. I woke up fatigued with some weakness, which was frustrating. Also, have been battling cold sores.

For the novelty of talking about something other than my sorry ass...We finally wrested the Wii away from my parents. For two years they've lived in denial. "We're gonna use it." "We're gonna work out." "You can't have it."

Finally, I prevailed in my efforts to take it over.

We got it home and assembled and found they hadn't even opened the one game they bought. For two years they never got past the demo games.

Gonna work out my ass.

You begin to see why I was so persistent with ' the Wii is mine' campaign, yes? It wasn't being used at all.

Anyway, the idea was to provide more stuff for the toddler to do dealing with hand-eye coordination and physical activity. We just didn't realize that even a free Wii is expensive.

Because my parents hadn't bought any accessories. Nothing.

And OMG that shit is expensive. What a scam. You buy a $300 gaming system that needs at least another $200 investment to reach full capability. What bullshit.

And the games are kind of stupid. Like the sword fight duel in Wii resort. Basically, you just hack your remote as fast as you can and that's it. The jet ski is over sensitive and impossible to steer. Archery is the best game in that you get the chance to really apply skill, but you pay $50 to shoot imaginary arrows!

But the toddler likes it and we'll rent some other games and see if that changes our minds. And see if it's worth buying more accessories--buying one extra remote was underwhelming. Soooo not impressed with the umpteen widgets necessary to use a Wii. Feels like a bait and switch. Like they sell an incomplete system on purpose.

We are not gamers. Can you tell?

There's No Mapquest for This

Just super tired.

Took about 2mg this morning. It's not enough. Not even close.

I dug myself a hole and climbed in. I'm not sure what it will take to get out.

The sneezing is slowing down though. Just in time for the weight loss to start (again, happy to have it, but not thrilled with how it comes about).

Even the aerobics bunny is finally on mute.

Will be fine tuning steroid dose, trying to find my way back to normal.

Winter Carnival

I don't know if I'm sick, but I have felt better. Much better.

Fatigue has been bad. I guess I should have taken steroids yesterday??? Still sorting out the rules on this and still trying to get by without whenever I can.

But it looks like I have another kinda sorta cold. One medication can't touch. Nothing is giving me relief. Not allergy meds. Not cold meds. Nothing. However it is not as bad as the last one, it's just the constant itch-sneeze in my nose that is driving me up the wall.

On the fatigue front, I have been so weak, I couldn't climb stairs without resting. I'm back to needing to lie down in the afternoons. Not eating much either.

And the asthma hack is on board.

Oddly enough there's this aerobics bunny bitch bouncing around in my psyche suggesting we go out for a walk. Or do some squats. Or hey, what about some push-ups? I have no idea where this drive to exercise is coming from because I am in no shape to do anything.

Fortunately, she shuts up when I'm asleep.

Crisis-y

So because the sack of flesh I inhabit is incompetent, things got a little crisis-y last night.

Let me back up.

First, the hubby and I got a sitter and went for an hour long walk. The weather has been so nice that, even if my lungs are trapping air like a starving hunter, I just can't sit and watch it go by.

I was going to take just 2.5mg, but was not feeling so hot and upped it to 5mg feeling lots of steroid guilt as I did so.

There's no way to know if a dose is too little or too much until I take it. Likewise, the distinctions between too little, too much and just right are hard to articulate. I feel 'off' when the dose is too much. I feel 'adrenal' when it's too little. And just right is fantastic, but rare and tenuous as a double rainbow.

My thought yesterday that 5mg would be too much and I was doing it wrong, but actually it was a good choice. As we walked, I felt strength and energy coming online. It wasn't too much, it was just enough.

But not enough to save me from struggling with energy later or to avoid GI problems. Once again, it came out of nowhere. Once again, we ate the same food and I was the only one sick. I tried to deny it was adrenal, but, when I started shivering from cold, 'not adrenal' was a hard thing to believe. Then I got up to 'run' to the bathroom and all I could manage was the sad zombie shuffle.

Thankfully, I did not throw up, just was wracked with nausea for hours and hours. Thankfully, the electric blanket heated me right up and I was able to become warm enough to turn it off, a positive sign that the worst was over.

Today I am sneezy (low immunity), zero appetite and physically tired with heavy limbs. But I think I can out rest it. Just have to remember that major life stress on top of physical activity might require more steroids than I would normally take.

Bad News

Think of the worst relative you know. The black sheep. The scandalous one. The one that makes you gasp and shake your head. The one you don't talk about because it's embarrassing.

The one you avoid.

I have nine of those assholes in just one side of my family.

Yesterday we received some disturbing news.

For me, it has been crushing. Which translates into stress. I couldn't breathe yesterday. Maybe it was the weather, which had shifted from 20 to a balmy 50, but I couldn't walk and talk. It was too much.

I shut down, pulled back into my shell, just trying to process things breathe. It has reached the point that we will not have contact with some people and will be limiting contact with everyone else. Such a simple thing to write when there's nothing easy about it.

At my last appointment, the endo asked me if I have muscle pain and I denied it.

Yet today I am reminded that sometimes I do have muscle pain and it's not steroid withdrawal. My joints hurt. My arches and calves feel like I've been wearing those wedding shoes non-stop. My thighs hurt to the touch.

And I am angry to be so weak when what I really need is strength.

Zumba Nevermore

Got up this morning and hauled my very uninterested ass to Zumba only to find that the program has been cancelled. Forever.

This was a complication as I had already taken 5mg in anticipation of a hard work out. Now I had to make something up on my own and, for once, I was not feeling inspired.

To make things more fun, the toddler has been in a snit ever since she realized she wasn't going to jump on a bunch of inflatables at the Zumba place. The hubby is still home sick and expects to be accommodated.

"Try being me," I said.

It took him a moment, but he got a clue.

So I jumped around in the dining room, dodging a screaming toddler and a sick husband who decided he would compensate for his recent sense of entitlement by cleaning right where I was exercising.

Oy.

It's going to be a day. Everyone got off on the wrong foot.

Yesterday went really well. For the majority of the afternoon, my energy was in perfect balance (you don't know what that feels like unless you've been living without it). I could have done anything I wanted. Worked. Cleaned. Cooked. Even all three. I actually focused on putting the finishing touches on my next project.

Later that night, I did hit the wall, but it was soft hit. I was walking to the kitchen and my arms just got very heavy and fatigue dragged on my legs. The day had gone so well, I was taken by surprise.

And that's the Zumba/adrenal report for today.

Chugging Along

More fatigue today than yesterday. I think. I didn't quite wake up until around 3pm yesterday, so it wasn't like I was bursting with energy, but today just seems 'tireder' for whatever reason.

However, I think things are, overall, improved. Possibly because stress dosing doesn't leave me buried in fatigue and a strained system failing to meet demand. I'm staying out of the hole!

Or maybe things are just getting better.

Or maybe it's both.

We'll see what shakes out. Tomorrow I hope to go to Zumba and I will stress dose for that since it will be the first time since October.

Our visiting relative left this morning and the toddler goes back to school today, meaning the holidays are over for us. It was fun. I'm going to miss them (both the holidays and the relative).

Stopping Steroids and Staying Fat Against My Will

I stopped the steroids today. I will miss feeling normal. I can't believe how huge a help they were with that cold (which has put the hubby on antibiotics as of today). I took 10 mg total the day of the wedding, an extra 5mg at dinner and wow! I could enjoy myself without a lack of energy holding me back.

This maybe means that the 5mg I was taking for the cold was too low a stress dose. Except last time, 10mg seemed like too much. But that cold was not as bad as this one...?

So far today, feeling blech.

Headache. Cranky. Tired.

Doesn't help that I've gone back to strict low carbing at the same time. Would really really like to lose weight this year and GET IT DONE ALREADY.

Oh my God, I'm so sick of trying to lose weight. The only magic trick in my metabolism's repertoire is not gaining weight. I can't seem to trigger loss unless I have an adrenal crisis.

At least my body is taking the crisis loss as the new set point--whatever I do, the number is the same. Too bad it's not a million pounds less than the last one.

And I've decided, after reading other people's holiday gain reports, that it is weird I didn't gain weight. Like ANY weight. I ate pints of ice cream and nothing.

Christmas Eve, I essentially had one bite of everything so I could save room to eat a quarter of a pumpkin pie for dessert. And then have more. Nothing. Not even water weight, which has happened never.

The steroids eliminated the anti-hunger for the most part. I didn't meet a carb I didn't eat for over a week. Nothing, even though I was on steroids almost the entire time.

WTF is that about? And why can't I leverage that dynamic into weight loss??????????????????

I'm not any where near my goal weight either. So it's not the usual slow down you see for the last 10 pounds.

So anyhoo, I stopped steroids and I'm still fat, but can eat pretty much whatever I want without gaining. Hide your pies.

The Glitz and Cold Medicine of a New Year

I wore the shoes! I tried them on for the hell of it and my ankles did not start whimpering 'timber'. I could actually walk. So I wore the shoes. My guess is that some good came out of that squat work out--it seems I built the strength necessary to manage such stiletto heights.



Got compliments on the dress from people I didn't even know. A high five after a fast jive. (Note: We wing it completely. We are not formally trained ballroom anything, but we both danced folk.You can translate a lot from one genre to a next if you're willing to be creative and not care what you look like doing it.)

(Also, I did not dance in the shoes. I'm not an idiot. I bring flats.)

Had a great time. Both of us were sick as dogs though. I had a good start to the day and then promptly deflated. The car ride down, we both nursed hot tea and squabbled over the last dose of cold meds. Then we laughed at how silly it was to be so miserable to where you're fighting over drugs on the way to a party.

Steroids got me through along with the asthma inhaler on the dance floor. The steroids made the night possible. I felt so normal, so ready to burn up the floor. Like it was just a mere cold, not the anti-Christ in viral form. The hubby is lucky that sweating helps him kick colds, so a couple hours on the dancing actually helped him.

I'm still sick but I think it's time/safe to get rid of the steroids. I'm going to give it one more day at 5mg just to boost me through the post-dancing/travel/virus period and then stop.

The best part so far has been the homecoming. This was our first big night out since the toddler was born. I am awash in kisses and hugs and 'yays you're home'. Trying to hold on tight to that because watching my teen cousins last night made me realize this won't last.

Happy New Year!