Stuck

The kiddo was breathing better and then worse. Back and forth. We had her follow-up today and the ped agreed with me that there's enough inflammation still there for her to back slide easily.

So on to Qvar we go. I am very pleased with the ped. They listened to why I wanted to go with inhaled over oral steroids and agreed. I'm slowly getting used to working with a physician who doesn't think I'm an idiot. (This probably means they will a)retire b)move c) get hit by a bus. There's no way this can last.)

I am still bummed that the kiddo has to deal with this. She was supposed to take after her father, but apparently her DNA did not get the memo. I try to take heart in the fact that the early childhood onset phenotype for asthma tends to be less severe than my adolescent onset.

Of course the literature says any family history of asthma makes the asthma worse. Sigh.  I just hope her future is not as medically messed up as mine.

My health continues to be that weird, quirky nutjob no one can figure out how to relate to without it being awkward. I do think I maybe possibly am going through menopause at 39. For realz. I won't shock you with paragraphs of information about what's happening with my vagina, I'll just leave it at menopause.

You're welcome.

My whole body is wrong. My weight is off. The rash comes and go, itching like poison ivy. My energy is off (but it's not adrenal suckage anymore, it's some new beast I have yet to name). I seem to have come through the worst of the adrenal f*ckery and landed smack in the middle of other problems that are just as annoying.

I am not convinced that progesterone is going to be the magic bullet. As time passes, the picture that is emerging is that of a very choppy treatment. There's the adjustment period going off it and then the adjustment period going on it. It lurches through my system, jolting and shaking me as it goes.

Yes, I've made progress, but the new me is just another shade of dysfunction. I'm still far off from normal. The progesterone honeymoon appears to be over. This is as good as it's going to get.

I am never going back to who I was. I need to accept this. But man does it suck when 40 feels like 80. I feel frail, brittle, bloated, itchy and arthritic. Stuck.