Oh, To Be 11 Again

I remember how I felt with an am cortisol of 11. This is not as good as that. Nor is it as bad as last year. I went back and read the posts. I'm better than that, or maybe I'm just bad in a different way this time given that, Friday, I had to lay in bed for several hours and pray I didn't end up in the ER.

Before things got dodgy, I called the endo and requested an am cortisol draw. The thinking is, if I am low now, let's document it in case I later gain ground. (Or lose ground as the case seems to be.)

They never called me back, which is unfortunate as things are much more serious than when I initially contacted them.

If I had to guess, I would say cortisol is below 10 but above 5. (Let's see if I'm right! What's your bet?)

The recovery feels very adrenal, but is it because I was on steroids and went through my infamous version of withdrawal or because I had a crisis? It's hard to know.

The weight loss makes me lean more toward a crisis. The duration of the symptoms makes me lean toward a crisis as well. It's been over a week, acute withdrawal should be gone by now. I should not be in fear of a crisis, but I am because my body keeps going there.

Friday was frightening. I am glad I held my own.

The other thought nagging my intuition is not a good one, but it's just my intuition, so we don't have to listen to it. Could this be some kind of cancer? All these growths? All these symptoms? Strange (for me) weight loss?

I've lost weight. Those pants I bought? The ones that fit me now? Don't need to be unbuttoned to be pulled down.

Then I think maybe we should check for diabetes. Although I'm not peeing and had a non-fasting blood sugar of 93 in late September (go low carb!). It seems unlikely and the PCP was not concerned when I brought it up, but, I don't know, it's just one of those gut things that nags at me.

There is zero family history of diabetes, on either side. I'm hoping those genetics are strong enough to counter the impact of steroids. Pre-diabetic I can live with, but diabetes scares the pants off me.

Can you imagine? Asthma, diabetes and adrenal weirdness all in one body? That would be a death sentence.

Before things nosedived Friday, we put up our snowflake mobile and did some light Christmas decorating. Already? Yes, already. It's a happy thing for both me and the toddler. We won't break out the big guns until the day after Thanksgiving,which is about as long as I can stand to hold off.

Some people even have lights up and we did our first light drive Saturday night. I don't mind people decorating early. I hate the Christmas before Halloween retail push, but people enjoying the season a bit early are okay in my book.

Saturday I was tired and doing the sad zombie shuffle. Had some stomach and flank pain along with nausea, but the other GI stuff, while continuing to threaten me, has calmed down--Thank you all that is holy. Dropped off cars at the mechanic, went out to a delightful lunch with the hubby, to the store, and then to bed. No appetite for dinner, but I managed to filch some of hubby's chicken wings... and then couldn't finish them.

Sometimes I Am Prescient

When I was a kid, don't ask me why, but I once said "Man, it would really suck to have asthma and be diabetic, wouldn't it?"

I was 16 at the time. I have no recollection of what prompted the statement, but it stands out in my memory for some reason.

Probably because now look at me... here I am flirting with diabetes and total destruction of my thyroid (you know, just in case asthma + diabetes is easy peasy).

Hahahahaha. Irony. You blood sucking heartless bitch.

Ahem. I digress. The point is...

This afternoon I was on hold with a doctor's office for an eternity so I was googling to pass the time and found this little study abstract. (The toddler is napping by the way.)

The title alone makes me happy. "Insulin resistance is a poor predictor of type 2 diabetes in individuals with no family history of disease."

Then this: "...insulin resistance per se is not sufficient for the development of diabetes in individuals without family history of disease..."

I have no family history of diabetes. I might have a shot here. I'm trying not to get too excited because it's a snippet, one from the internet no less. Who knows where it lays (lies?*) within the broader context of science, so I'm not truly qualified to interpret it.

But it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I read it. Good enough for me!

Oh as for the hold thing...I'm trying to see if I can go back to my RE. Regular endos are too rigid. I need Doctor Cowboy not Doctor By-the-Book. Reproductive Endocrinologists are much more flexible, creative and interested in what the patients have to say in my experience.

Also, I would like to not bleed to death. Which is, unfortunately, still a concern. I am taking the pills that are supposed to stop it. They aren't working. I think I need someone who knows their way around not just the hormones, but the girly bits too and regular endos, well, they don't keep speculums in their offices now do they? Or transvaginal ultrasound equipment.

All the regular endos are totally missing out.

I didn't make an appointment yet, just called to see if I could and turns out I can! I think I will wait to see what happens with the OB, the lump and my blood pressure and decide from there whether I need to drag the RE into this mess or not.


*Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can use the word 'prescient' but can't figure out lay and lie. Sue me.