You Eat It

 This post is probably entirely too much none-of-this-matters detail, but I have to tell you, I have been getting absolutely destroyed over here. This whole episode has been beyond bizarre. And I process things by writing. So here is a very dull blow by blow that is cathartic for me. 

So. I am supposed to be counting calories and macros for the nutritionist, but I can't remember my Googleplay password to pay through the nose for that ability in the app they want me to use.

I did learn I'd only eaten 800 calories today.

Honestly, I thought I was doing better than that. I attempted to eat more normally today. I had three meals. They were mostly yogurt and a kiwi, but still, it was three squares. Up from none.

I'm still picky about food, which is a problem as we'd just gone grocery shopping. I spent a lot of time throwing up things I was supposed to be eating for the next ten days. Now I can't look at them.

I'm over here handing out all this food to the rest of my family.

 You can have it. You eat it. No I don't want it. I especially don't want you to show it to me and make me look at it when you ask me if you can finish it. YES, FINISH IT.

The options that remain are...limited.

I've now been under 1000 calories for almost a week, with several days of nothing but fluids. The headache is killing me. Advil doesn't even touch it. 

Once I realized I'd grossly underestimated intake today, hubby was kind enough to make me some scrambled eggs. 

I wasn't hungry. I didn't want to eat. I felt like death. Absolute death.

But I made myself eat them. I'm not nauseated anymore. I need to eat and not be a dumbass.

The eggs hit me like a balm. The headache disappeared. Oh. Duh. I needed protein. Then I had a protein bar and in the end I got up to 1400 calories. 

Wow. I feel so much better. I hadn't realized how in the hole I was. 

Sorry. That is probably so dumb to you, but man, I'd really lost touch with the lack of food. Intellectually, I knew I was starving, but my stomach was mostly fine with it and I was eating more the last two days--honest.

I didn't expect to be in such a deep hole. I actually had thought I was already--had been in fact-- climbing out. Guess the deficit was bigger than I realized.

The UTI culture was clear which is interesting. The official medical theory is I passed a small kidney stone. Big enough to bitch slap me like Godzilla, but not big enough to matter much beyond that. It didn't hurt. I had a few minutes of pretty acute pain around the kidney the night before I started hurling and that was it. 

I'm sticking with the antibiotics because they are making a difference. I don't trust the science on this one. I want to be sure.

Hopefully today was the last of this drama. Please. Uncle. Take the win, universe and let this round end. You got me. If you're not going to outright kill me, please let up.

Also the exosome testing is in process. Surprise surprise. And fully paid for somehow. 

Well, I'm off to bed early. I'm exhausted. So freaking exhausted. This week has just been...wow.

Also, tomorrow we're having bacon and eggs and this weekend I'm going to grill some big fat steaks and absolutely stuff my face with protein. So I've got that going for me.