Monday This and That

I won't have an 'office' until June, when our one house guest moves out. The other house guest will probably be here forever due to the cancer diagnosis of someone else.

For now, I'm crammed at the end of the dining room table. Yes, I eat dinner with my computer. There's no place else to go.

The pediatrician called me today and wants us to check in with a neurologist. I'm puzzled by that since the toddler 'graduates' from Early Intervention this week, she's done with PT (for the moment) and that leaves us with only OT.

Granted, the neurologist we saw initially was a tool. I just don't know what they will 'see' now. The ped thinks the OT and PT notes will be helpful.

I thought there wasn't a diagnosis? That we didn't need neuro? I am confused.

I said we would do another neuro consult, but only with someone the ped knows and trusts because--crazy fools that we are--we would like to have a tool free medical experience.

As for me. Tired but holding steady. So long as nothing goes wrong I won't need steroids. Ha. That's funny. In a sad way.

A Few Words

I still have general low level of fatigue going, but no weakness, so improvement. Planning on a walk later tonight.

I am toying with the idea of stress dosing right when the pill pack ends to see if I can head this nonsense off.

And that's all I have time for.

Reading Predictions and the Inaccuracies Thereof

The toddler has 'read' her first complete book. By 'read' I mean she knows some of the words and recalls the others from memory, but that's how it starts.

I am thrilled.

Go reading!

The book was Go, Dogs, Go and I had thought it might be The One.

Do you remember the very first book you ever read?

I don't recall the title, but mine was about an unhappy King and he ends up on a fire truck in the end. I was inconsolable when my mom ditched all my 'baby' books when I was at school one day.

My first word was K-Mart at the age of four. I remember looking at the sign and, suddenly, all the letters made sense. I don't think my parents even knew when I started to read. (It quickly became obvious, though once I started burying myself alive in books. Being home with the flu in kindergarten gave me the luxury to go through books like candy.)

The toddler, on the other hand, I thought she would start last year when she was three. She knew all her letters and phonics before she was two. She had some words down by three and everything was in place, except she doesn't thirst for it like I did. It's not her raison d'etre and it's been very hard for me to let her mosey along at her own pace. I know, if she wanted to she could, but she's 'meh' on reading.

I can't fathom it myself, but she can't stop genetics and she comes from a strong line of fairly early readers.

Anyway, Friday sucked. What else can I say? I ate at all the right intervals and still got really low blood sugar-y anyway. What was that about? I've had to lay down every day this week and rest until I can withstand being upright again.

I did want to add that on Wednesday, the day that was my worst, I was short of breath as well. One of the big symptoms that tipped me into adrenal crisis panic and I didn't mention it. Well, consider it mentioned now.

I have no idea what's going to happen next. Do you? Up swing? Down swing? Flying pigs?

All I Need Is a Soundtrack

Suzanna had a question for me in the last post:

"I can't remember why you're trying to avoid the steroids? If you're addison's (either primary or secondary) then your adrenals don't work on their own. They won't come back to work normally will they?"

I avoid steroids because my adrenals aren't just insufficient, they are the cray-cray shiznit.

The best way I could describe it is I feel like my system 'stutters'. It's there and then it's not. It's there and then it's gone. Not always for the same reasons, which makes it hard to predict and accommodate.

I don't believe I need daily steroids, but I (clearly) haven't quite worked out what kind of dosing philosophy would keep me upright and prevent these mini-crashes. In a way, this is an improvement because I used to have a very direct cause and effect going. Now the cycle is stretched out, less immediate, harder to pinpoint. I'm playing chicken with both hypo- and hyper- cortisolism at the same time. Not a fun three-way.

I am also beginning to believe I will never be the same again. I'm past the two year mark and still having problems. Does that spell full recovery for you? It doesn't for me. Not even close.

And iron let me down. I thought it was a partial solution. Not so much.

This past week was pretty serious. Much more serious than I would have believed possible at this juncture. I did not believe the idea of an adrenal crisis would even cross my mind without some kind of surgery or other major health trigger. For me to wonder if the ER was in my future was upsetting on many levels, to say the least.

I did not take steroids on Thursday, which meant the day mostly sucked ass. I didn't forget to eat, but I still hit the low sugar hell because I didn't have time to eat. At least I recognized what was happening early on and ate as soon as humanly possible.

Part of the reason I ran out of time was the fatigue made life go in slow motion, only it didn't slow down the clock one second. I just couldn't move fast enough to fit in lunch.

By noon, I was a wilted flower, too tired to work or cook dinner, let alone eat it (although I snacked a bit). Stomach/flank pain was sporadic throughout the day. I stumbled through the motions of picking up the toddler from preschool and pretending to understand the things she said--I swear, I was too tired to hear. Got home and went to bed. Then realized I had a sore throat, ear ache, toothache and headache, which did not help.

Rested for about four hours and then took some Dayquil, which helped a ton with the sinus pain.

Finally, finally I perked up a bit. I even danced, knowing that it might not turn out well. It's interesting to note that the flank pain intensified after and I had some GI threats going.

So I've decided the cure must be a soundtrack played at full volume at all times--it can never stop because then the adrenal revenge starts. Zumba music would work, except my husband stole the one CD I have. So not cool.

I did have some good news this week to hold on to. Someone gave the story Amazon killed a 5 star review and I got a gushing email from a 'fan'. That was cool. And I put the finishing touches on another story and my critique came back with 'you write so clean, I don't have many comments' which I know no one who reads this blog believes that, given all the gaffes I make here. I, however, was quite pleased with myself.

I also made my own cover in Photoshop, a cover I absolutely love. I find I really like thinking visually, although my skills are nowhere close to reproducing what's in my head. I have so much to learn!

Please body, just let me live my life!

From Horrible to Merely Bad

Yesterday was bad. Really bad. I thought I was going to have an adrenal crisis. I forgot to eat, my appetite was so non-existent. I got a clue when the relentless nausea kicked in.

God, I hate low blood sugar. It's such a bitch. You would think evolution would program us to be hungry, but no, I have to spoon feed myself, talking myself into each bite as if it's poison until enough food hits my blood stream to kill the nausea.

I thought that was the worst of it, that I'd gotten a clue and handled things.

Then the stomach pain started. With heavy weakness and fatigue.

At my paid volunteer gig, I sat down to serve families their food. I was too weak to stand. I thought I would have to leave. I thought I was going to hurl. After hours of burning abdominal pain, I thought I was going to end up in the ER with an adrenal crisis.

I became frightened.

I forced more food down my throat and that seemed to help. I sat as much as I could at work, unable to hide how much I struggled. Not knowing what to say when people asked if I was okay.

Things did gradually feel less imminent. I survived work and went to bed early. Today I'm trying to go steroid free. There is some residual stomach pain and I'm sure fatigue will be an issue, but maybe this is behind me? Maybe it was just a bad bout of low blood sugar after dropping from 10 to 5mg?

Another Adrenal Day

Yesterday was not happening with 5mg so I bumped up to 10mg and that pretty much got me going, although I think I could've done better on an even higher dose.

But higher is not the direction I want to go.

Today I am trying 5mg. I woke up feeling better this morning whereas yesterday I couldn't really tell a difference. So let's hope 5mg is sufficient and that tomorrow is steroid free.

I dropped a few pounds with this last round so justified some ice cream therapy last night when my appetite returned. However, Ben and Jerry's has cheaped out on its quality and it really wasn't worth it.

Once again, I'm waiting for the Geek Squad to come and repair my fridge. This is their third visit. We still don't have the right parts. I notified them yesterday of that salient tidbit and they didn't call to reschedule. They'll be arriving only to turn around and leave any second now.

We watched the first two episodes of Game of Thrones season two last night. I almost have the accent down--I tend to pick them up, last year, I had the southern drawl going from True Blood. It makes for good comedy as I do 'bits'. Hubby almost snorted Listerine out of his nose last night as I launched a monologue while he brushed his teeth. That got me kicked out of the bathroom.

Watch out, my accents will hurt you.

No Dance for Me

I became rather sick yesterday after I hit publish on the last post. Once again, I managed not to throw-up, although it occurs to me that piece of luck won't last forever. My body hit the eject button, but I just refused to cooperate and somehow won. I was sick in other ways though, so not a total win.

I took 10mg. Not sure if it was enough, but I went right to bed and about six hours later, I was okay to watch the last two episodes of Game of Thrones.

So long as I sat, I was fine. The second I moved, an aching weariness pressed against me like a wet blanket.

Main symptoms were profound fatigue and GI upset. A little bit of flank/back pain. Did not check BP, but would suspect it went from low to high, influenced by the adrenaline surge of my body wanting to throw up.

No clue how today will go, but I took 5 mg and I will avoid Maroon 5.

ETA: Ended up with 10mg as 5 was not enough.

Boogie-Woogie

Today was better, but then I did the boogie-woogie to Maroon 5 and now I'm tired.

I would like to not take steroids, so we'll see how it shakes out. I think there's some GI weirdness brewing just to keep things fun.

But who cares? Not when you can be obsessed with Game of Thrones. We are almost done with season one. I have been reading the synopses of the various novels in the series. It's rather ugly once you delve into it.

The Science Fiction and Fantasy genre (genres?) have misogynistic roots. I've met a few of the old guard at various conventions and we need a new word to describe them as pervert doesn't quite cover it.

So I should not have been shocked at the p edophilia and r ape and general abuse of women in the novels.

But I am. Probably because quite a bit of it has made it onto the screen in HBO's adaptation of the novels. It's in my face and I don't like it.

In the books, a thirteen-year-old is married off and r aped. On-screen, they made her sixteen and faded to black just as he began to r ape her.

The thing that squicks me out is you know the producers had to decide how old was okay to
r ape a character without causing an uproar. And they came up with sixteen. Ugh.

Second, there's a scene in the first season with naked children outside a brothel that procures young boys for older men. It's a quick scene, but it really bothered me. What do those parents say to their kids when they are old enough to watch it? I googled to see if anyone else caught it and not one complaint.

Why do I watch it? The political intrigue is fascinating and the actors are fantastic, and sadly, it's fairly representative of the genre's treatment of gender issues. This is what's out there for those of us who like the genre. The few authors with a more sensitive approach to gender, didn't pack their work with raunchy, taboo sex, so no HBO deals for them.

Really a 10

Took 5mg this morning. I could not get out of bed. Could not wake up. We missed church because I am the motor of the family, if I don't move, no one else does. Once I finally heaved myself upright, 5mg seemed like salvation.

Only, as usual, I should've gone for 10mg.

But sometimes I think it's all made up,that it's all a lie my body tells me, so I hesitate to take too much in case it's a mistake.

However, 5mg got me up and dressed, out for lunch and to the grocery store as if nothing had ever happened. Now I'm batch cooking. Soup. Chicken. Almond muffins. Making the hubby's lunch for the week as he's decided to low carb too now.

Between oven timers, I rest because shortchanging the dose allows me to power through, but not power up.

Definitely early to bed tonight.

Not sure what tomorrow will be. New pill pack starts tonight, so maybe that will put me right for a while.

Not Winning

Today is getting bad enough that steroids are showing up in the crystal ball.

I'm going to try and do without, try to suck it up.

However, if I wake up this bad tomorrow? It would be prudent to stress dose.

Why is this a pattern now? Inquiring minds want to know.

On the positive side:

1. We've discovered Game of Thrones and have the glorious luxury of watching the first season all at once. The hubby has never read epic fantasy, while I cut my teeth on the stuff--heck, I'm actually writing one now. Why, I don't know, but I am, and I mostly wish I wasn't because it's a ton of work, but I digress. It's interesting to watch him experience it without knowing the genre tropes.

Also, I am wondering if Lord Snow is not Stark's bastard, but actually the child the queen lost?

And why isn't anyone making an HBO series of David Edding's work? Or Marion Zimmer Bradley (and not Avalon, the Dark Over books)?

Oh wait, not enough sex in those stories. Game of Thrones has lots of sex. Okay, I get it now, but that's just wrong. I hate how our culture can't value a story unless there's acres of boobage and assery.

2.I bought some pants. I am between sizes in my closet. Stuck between too big and too small and the scale just doesn't show me any love these days. There's not much on-hand for the size I am currently, I would guess the last weight loss cycle didn't stall quite so long at this point and that I just *whooshed* right into my skinny size.

I've lost patience and decided I can't just wear the same capri pants all Spring/Summer. At least not without wearing holes in them. So I splurged.

Go figure, I'm between sizes in the store too! Ha! I did find some casual capris/crops and maybe I can lose the five or so pounds it would take to fit into the one pair of dressier pants since the next size up is gain-twenty-pounds too big. If the scale ever moves in my favor again, I'll go back and buy them and I should be all set.

It pleases me immensely to build a wardrobe for the warmer months. One, I like shopping with the toddler in tow, we mesh well as shopping buddies (it helps that I'm a super fast shopper). Two, it's really annoying to have only one pair of pants to wear anywhere, which, while they are nice, they are not nice enough for church.

I have Winter and Fall clothes--all set there, but nothing for the rest of the year. Not unless I can magically lose all the weight I need to lose. (At this point, I think I would need another adrenal crisis to lose weight. Sadly, that's the last time I moved any significant weight.)

Now I just need some nice tops. I have T-shirts, but lack lightweight sweaters and the like (unless I want to regain 30lbs, which ummm no thank you). Maybe for my birthday.

Funky Town

Ah crap. I log in and Blogger has done things. New fangled things that make no sense to me because I don't think in technology, I think in swear words. If you're reading this, I overcame the odds and figured out how to post.

Anyway, still tired but hanging in there. Not taking steroids, just trying to take it easy.

Worked at my paid volunteer gig yesterday, which led to the realization that asthma has a secret handshake. So to speak.

A little one was doing that hunched over 'I can get air in, but not out' squat. Immediately I knew they had asthma as I've assumed that position many a time myself. If it's bad enough, I'll punch myself in the stomach to try and force the air out. I call it the diaphragm Heimlich maneuver.

Of course, being in a low income area, there's no inhaler. Not much medical care to speak of for these folks, but sibling said the little one has been hospitalized in the past. So I paid close attention and just tried to talk them through it, hoping it would give way.

Which it did. But boy did I sympathize with the fear in their eyes, the neck muscles straining to heave in air and the choking on air that has overstayed its welcome.

Asthma is no fun. Not even when its mild.

Pay the Piper

Yesterday, my body was tired. My energy was okay, but my legs just wanted to rest.

So I went for a power walk.

That was not so smart.

The zombie shuffle made an appearance and I became tired enough to struggle with the stairs to the toddler's bedroom.

Over night, the small muscles of my feet were a mosh pit of cramps.

The pill pack ends tomorrow. That makes me nervous because last month was awful.

Today I will rest. Due to scheduling conflicts, no exercise until at least Thursday.

Pictures from a Sunday Stroll with Salad on the Side

The seemingly unrelenting ice rain and snow finally stopped and we woke up to 1000% humidity and sun this morning. So, of course, it sounded like a good idea to go for a 2 mile hike with the toddler. Once she started screaming and needed to go potty, our perspective changed somewhat. Thankfully, the pictures don't come with sound.

Before we even got very far, the wind blew off my hat!


The hubby rescued it and we enjoyed nature's beauty...


These are the stairs I like to run--we're about 1/3 of the way up here. We just did them once today since the toddler is not up for 400-600 stairs (I'm probably not up for it either, truth be told). The toddler got a little trippy as she fatigued at the end of the walk (the volume of the shrieking increased too) but at least we know to anticipate it now. We made sure she held our hands so she didn't fall.


After that, we came home and had small portions of Breyer's Carb Smart ice cream (I always feel like I have to clarify that I'm not, like, gorging on gallons of Ben and Jerry's, at least not all the time!). Hubby and I managed to sneak in an episode of Sherlock Holmes.

Asthma was good today and energy was decent--the toddler keeps hikes slow enough it's not really an exercise in anything but my patience.

Lastly, I'm revamping the salad ebook, trying to improve the cover (not sure if I have) and adding a photo with every recipe. Also, this kind of proves what I stated earlier, if you are low carbing correctly, you are eating a lot of veggies.

(Note: If you want to buy a copy, wait a few days for the new book file to upload.)


Here's the Greek salad:

The Tex-Mex flank steak salad with the jalapeno chutney:

And this was a simple salad I made that's not in the book because there's no recipe. Just tomatoes, lettuce, mozzarella balls with balsamic glaze.


This is pretty much how we eat this time of year...fresh greens, veggies, and protein. My one house guest has reported weight loss with just the occasional low carb dinner at my house. Oh to be twenty-something again with a normal metabolism!

Inspired Stupidity

Exercise yesterday did not go so well.

There was a cat at a play date, which confirmed that yep, I'm still allergic. The ol' asthma hack started pretty quick.

A walk/run later was preceded by albuterol that didn't do much. My lungs seized up anyway and, despite more albuterol, didn't relax enough for me to do anything but a slow walk.*

I came home and messed around with a Wii fit thing. That went okay, it wasn't too aerobic.

But then the adrenal stuff came into play. Very tired. Very cold and unable to get warm. I went to bed as soon as the toddler was asleep.

We'll see how today goes.

By the way, I stopped at the drug store to get a spacer, having identified the model I wanted online. Oddly, I can buy spacers like an addict online, but in real life? You need a prescription. So dumb.


*This reminds me of the time I lived in Central America and stayed at a boarding house with two Navy Seals sent down to learn Spanish. Two gorgeous hunks of men. I went running with them, despite not being a runner and having uncontrolled asthma--they were hot enough to inspire stupidity.

So off we went, running along a dormant volcano. My left lung completely seized up and swelled shut not even a quarter of a mile in. It was so weird, because the right side was fine, but I couldn't get any air movement on the left.

Of course, I had to stop and gasp my way home because my stupid lung had a wedgie. In front of hard core Navy Seals. So wimpy. So humiliating.

They were amazing guys. Too bad my lungs couldn't keep up.

Calamities

The editing isn't going well, so hello. Here I am at my favorite procrastination spot.

Someone died yesterday and I officially think my life qualifies as a natural disaster of late. The evidence:

1.Someone hit our car and ran, leaving us with the deductible. The irony is this was the same lot where someone accused us of hitting their car years ago. They got a full police investigation, which included a home visit to inspect our bumper for paint. Since we didn't hit anyone, we were exonerated by the lack of evidence and they moved on. When someone hits us, no one cares. We got a shrug and a form to fill out.

2.Hubby broke his rib.

3.Toddler stomach flu.

4. Relative with cancer.

5.Another relative just passed on. Unexpectedly.

6.Our state-of-the-art fridge is on the fritz and requires repair. Contrary to popular belief, more computer chips do not make everything better. Personally, I want appliances with fewer things that can break.

7.The dryer is sparking. Granted, I have no right to complain as it belonged to my grandmother and has outlived her. The thing dates back to the 80s, but does it have to blow up right now this very second? Really? All I can say is, I bet my super expensive*, extra smart computer fridge would never last more than a decade.

(By the way, you do know the Gremlin Effect is real, right? I think I have a double dose.)

8.My book was filtered and all the income I'd built vanished overnight.

9. Tons of expensive car repairs. Not unusual in and of themselves, it's more the way they gang up on us in clusters. It's the brakes, steering and sensors all at the same time--like they were programed to fail together. We get the car out of the shop only to turn around and book another appointment. One car will be done only to have the other one need a bunch of work and our cars aren't old! By the way, my hubby realized we never renewed the tags on the minivan possessed by the spirit of my dead grandfather. Only took him six months of driving it to notice. Oy.

10. Power surge took out the cable modem and the power cord to my lap top despite the fancy power strip. That took days to fix.

11.I'm forgetting something. So here's a place holder until I can crack the denial.

This is just in the past six weeks.

Hey, remember that summer the washer died and our house almost burned down due to an electrical short that took us a month to find?

That was kind of tame in comparison. I'm fed up with my karma and demand a recount, do you hear me universe?

Oh yeah, sorry, this is a health blog. I suppose I should mention something healthish.

Health: The one thing I never have enough of. Isn't there a computer chip for that yet?

*Purchased in the pre-$5 a gallon gas, pre-adrenal, pre-toddler PT days. If I had to buy a new fridge now? We'd be using a cooler and gas station ice.

PS: On yesterday's post I bet someone rolled their eyes and thought 'she's complaining about getting up at 7am? Sheesh, grow a pair, lady.' Keep in mind, I tend to work until about midnight, plus parent full time. I count on more sleep than I'm getting. So 7am is bad ju-ju. Also, the toddler had two nights in a row of night terrors that went on for hours. I need more sleep and it's not because I'm a delicate princess, it's because my kid is kicking my ass out of bed 24/7.

This and That, Chernobyl Edition

I don't know why I'm posting every day of late, although the big pile of dreaded editing giving me the hairy eyeball likely explains it. Anything but that.

The asthma is not controlled. It's yanking me out of sleep with symptoms. Not sure what the cause is other than the weather has been up and down a lot. Yesterday we had snow.

My spacers died. Note the plural. Yes, they both died at the same time. Apparently, rubber/silicone cracks after a decade. I have yet to replace them because I really like their design and they don't seem to be available anywhere. So that may be a factor in the poor control as well. Especially considering I'm having a hard time inhaling fully until about noon.

It's unpleasant, but not serious. It serves only to alarm physicians who are stuck with me as a patient and make daily life more irritating for me. It will go nowhere because my main trigger is not present--no germs on board makes for mild asthma.

The toddler fell down the stairs yesterday. She's scraped and bruised, but fine. Just to stay on theme, my attack furniture impaled my hip as I rushed to her. And all I can say is I felt a sense of victory that it wasn't my knee.

Our house guest has noted the toddler falls a lot. So we are not yet to where it's at a normal, not worthy of commentary level. Fatigue is a trigger. The day she had Tae Kwon Do (which is an adult work out, I would huff and puff in that class), walked a mile and ran the playground, she began falling and tripping all over the place. Three bloody scrapes in total.

My fatigue is still there, but the iron supplements definitely blunt it. I really think I had maybe slipped into anemia there for a second. It would also help if the toddler would sleep past 7am. She used to sleep until 8:30, but now with daylight savings time we are up at the equivalent of 6am. Ow.

We are working on a cancer care package. So far, a soft, warm blanket, a bag to carry it and a plan to buy lots of favorite candies that aren't available where they live. Hubby wanted to arrange a visit, but the surgery is happening so fast, we can't pull it off.

Hubby asked me if stress could give you cancer. I sort of rolled my eyes. I hate the New Age idea that our feeeelings can kills us. It victimizes people who have done nothing other than try to live their lives. So they get sick and then we tell them if they just had better emotions they wouldn't be doing this to themselves. Ugh. Hate that.

Do our emotions impact our biochemistry? Yes. Do they impact our behavior? Yes. So, on some level, how we feel and what we do about it have a physiological impact that could enhance an infection or help foster cancer. But it's more than that. Look at Henrietta Lacks, her cancer cells march on even though her emotions died a long time ago.

The hubby's family was exposed to Chernobyl. They were not in the Ukraine, but it hit their city anyway. Chernobyl hit a lot of places. So did Japan.

We are braised in a toxic stew and some of us cook faster than others.

Touching Stars

Someone close to us got a devastating cancer diagnosis yesterday. Invasive cancer. Surgery next week.

40.

Why do the reminders that life is a precious gift have to hurt so much?

Today we are home, having one of our patented 'pajama days' as the toddler has boogies.

I am okay. The usual tired, but okay. How dare I complain?

Last week, I ordered a bunch of glow-in-the-dark stars and we finally got around to slapping 'em up on the front door this morning. Eventually, we will have a glow-in-the-dark party with the neighbor kids.



After that we watched Youtube videos about space. I told the toddler everyone has bits of star dust in them, we are all part star. That Mars is red because of iron and we also have iron inside us. We are all a part of the whole, always connected, never lost from each other.

We just don't get to choose the form that connection takes.

Holidaze

Energy today has been in the toilet. And flushed. Twice.

Bah humbug.

I'm blaming it on sugar overload.

Only I actually didn't eat that much, but there was a piece of cake. Not even close to being a lot.

Went for a walk last night, Not my smartest move as my stomach and back hurt, but I survived. I wasn't aware how crap I felt until I did that walk and then I was like 'oh, wait.'

I'm going to push out a work out today in the hopes of it helping me shake this fog of fatigue.

Wake up already! UP I say. UP!

Hippity Hoppity

I think the iron supplements are helping, although it's only day 5, so pretty early to attribute anything to them. I just remember the last time I was iron deficient, it took about a week of supplements to notice an improvement.

In case anyone is wondering, as it seems low iron goes hand-in-hand with adrenal stuff, anemia is about 30% of the fatigue with 70% being the adrenal piece. So iron supplements will definitely give you a boost, if you need them.

I worked out fairly regularly last week, around the days where I was just flat-out exhausted. I'm still struggling with how to approach fitness when I'm constantly interrupted by one stupid thing or another. I'd like to be consistent, it's just very difficult to push myself when I'm sick or injured or absorbed in a project.

And I hesitate to get too ambitious now because I know the elliptical will be pulled out from under me the second I get anywhere. Maybe that's defeatist, but it also happens to be true.

For the record, I did an interval walk/run yesterday and today I have significant GI symptoms. It might just be something I ate or I may be on the slide down, we'll see.

Easter was fun, but hectic. We barely saw the hubby who tore down one wall on the garage and rebuilt it from the ground up. As I whined to him, we didn't do much together as a family with the holiday weekend. There wasn't much down time and lounging around as a family, which I missed.

The toddler forgot her Easter basket would be in the basement and sobbed hysterically until we reminded her. I've been stockpiling for her basket since January and the big hit was a hand-me-down pop-up tent with lounge chairs for her to play fort in.

I did have a chocolate bunny for her, but she's been getting so much candy from everyone else, I left it out of the basket and just did presents. Small things like books.

She went through her basket with exclamations of glee and then looked at me and said, "Where's the candy?"

I blamed the Easter Bunny. I told her he didn't eat enough vegetables to poop out jelly beans for every one. I suggested she sign up to help for next year, but even the promise of poop-turned-jellybeans can't get the kid to eat broccoli.

One last thing, I had water today flavored with orange and mint. It was awesome. Cut up two oranges, add mint, top with water and let marinate for several hours. Very refreshing....to adults, kids seem to hate it.

Ch-ch-ch-chia

I tried Chia seeds for the first time. Added them to my green tea. They have no taste that I can discern (although we'll see what I say the next time my super nose hits) but they gel into goopy clumps. Definitely a slime texture and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Allegedly Chia seeds were the emergency rations for Aztec warriors. Huh.

They are also supposed to be super nutritious, but I read the label and eh...not impressed.

I think Chia seeds fall into the category of 'First World nutrition options.' Because only people with money would take a food from a nation that no longer exists and turn it into a superfood fad.

As for the green tea, I'm kicking my Coke Zero habit. Again. For, like, the umpteenth time.

At one point, hubby told me to not worry about it, given everything else. He thought it was too much. I considered his opinion and ended up agreeing with him. However, now it's time to be done with it. For good.

I think I'm doing okay today. Still low appetite though--wasn't hungry enough to remember lunch. Didn't even feed the toddler, but that's more because her buddy came over and she didn't care about food. I kept giving them snacks to kind of try to wedge a lunch between finger painting, stickers, playdoh and escalating conflicts due to the fact four-year-olds are selfish little pirates.

On a Deadline

Today kind of sucked. I have a few theories as to why.

One is sugar overload. I didn't eat much yesterday and what I did eat consisted of cookie dough, cookies and icing. I hosted the neighborhood kids for Easter cookie decorating--a practice I'm reconsidering since the mess of sprinkles was so prolific, I had to vacuum the table before wiping it off.

(The 12 year old boy did look like he would be willing to lick the table cloth clean, but the little bit of hoovering of sprinkles he did off his plate sort of squicked me out.)

So theory 1 is sugar hangover.

Theory 2 is I did another strength workout. Very light. I'm trying so so so hard to take it slow. I only added 10 more squat reps to the workout. This is not aggressive exercise. At all. It's like having a mini marshmallow kick your ass.

That would be the exercise hangover theory.

I revisited the 'too weak to push the shopping cart' and the sad zombie shuffle today. Blood pressure was perfect--not low, not high-- so I have no idea why I felt so woozy and off kilter.

The whole week has just been crappy.

Other symptoms in the line up: complete absence of hunger, abdominal/flank pain, limb weakness.

I haven't taken any steroids because I'm going with theory 1, although, if I can't get myself together by tomorrow I will have to consider 5mg.

As for B12 levels, that would be just way too easy. I supplement anyway, having learned that lesson the last time I suppressed in 1998. Adrenals need Bs.

On the Hippie Side

I went to a talk on medicinal eating given by a local herbalist turned MD. Coincidentally, they are involved in the cultural shamanic tradition I was associated with via my parent's marriage into a rather elite, whack-a-doo family. (Yes, there are jet-set shamans out there. At least one.)

I can't tell if that's a good or bad sign.

However, the last pulmo was also involved with this culture and they were fabulous. So it could be good.

I'm a little superstitious at times, in case you haven't noticed. Always trying to read the tea leaves.

And yes, I had a strange childhood. Shrunken heads in the linen closet and all that jazz. Christian minister on one side and indigenous shaman with a PhD on the other. Psychedelic.

So, while I disagree with this alternative MD's advocacy of vegan raw foodism and they don't like low carb, it might be interesting to see what they have to say about my situation.

Maybe there's an herb for that.

PS: Feeling better today although the asthma is all over the place for some reason. I had to break out the albuterol even.

Lost in Space

What a strange, nebulous week. I think I'm just out of whack and it's possible that at least half of me got left behind three dimensional planes ago.

Anyway, ended up taking 7.5 mg, which was a wee too much. 5mg would've been better. It helped, but then I had that edge of too much. Went to bed super early, the second the toddler was asleep I crawled under my covers.

Today, just worn out, but not planning on taking any steroids. Wish I had better news.

I think I'm going to try more iron and see if that gets me anywhere good. Maybe I'm more low iron than usual?

As for potassium, it gets checked because of the blood pressure medication and it's fine. No easy answers, I'm afraid.

Someone posted this on an old blog post:

"I have hypopituitism caused by a prolatinoma of the pituitary gland. My pituitary is not producing any ACTH so my adrenals are mainly shutdown. I take 20mg of Hydrocortisone but suffer from Chronic fatigue which has lost me my job. I also take thyroxine. Would a switch to prednisolone help with fatigue better than Hydrocortisone? I understand Pred. has an affinity for Corticosteroid Binding Glubulin whereas Hydrocortisone has not, so Pred. would give a reserve when needed.

Can anyone advise me or suggest some other means of treatment? Ideally if I could get ACTH on prescription it could slowly stimulate and revive my atrophied adrenals, but I understand this is not an option. "

And my answer is I have no idea other than to say some people do better and worse on different steroids, but it's all anecdotal. Try some of the forums linked in the 'post a comment' screen.

And Then She Exercised

My work out yesterday consisted of 15 minutes of windmilling my arms and doing a few squats, followed by a slow walk with the toddler and our geriatric black lab.

7/10ths of a mile.

Nothing egregious.

I'm tanked today. Just wiped.

Although it was just a crazy busy day--very high impact on the stress meter, so that may have compounded things.

For recordkeeping purposes:

-Lots of cramps in my feet, hands and stomach overnight.
-Up peeing 4 times during the night (this is something that manifests with adrenal insufficiency. I haven't really mentioned it here, but it's pretty consistent and improves when I feel less adrenal.)
-Burning adrenal pain that woke me up multiple times over the course of the night.
-Lethargic limbs, weakness.

I was reading back over the archives and I would have to say I really haven't had as much progress as I thought. There was that stomach flu and the times where I had some 'bounce' to my system, but it appears my bounce has bounced away.

As an experiment I might try 2.5mg, just to see. That should be low enough that if it tips me over into hypercortisolism it won't be too bad.

I keep hoping tomorrow will be better, I keep trying to believe that today was better than yesterday, but I think it might be time to admit things are not going as well as my capacity for denial likes to pretend.

Thumbs Up

Last I was here, I said I felt like I was getting sick. The usual array of low immunity symptoms had hit, but I wasn't sure why. It wasn't like I had done anything.

I took 20,000ius of D3, 75mcg of Zinc and 1000mg of C and improved. There seemed to be a distinct cause and effect between those vitamins and feeling better. I no longer felt as if a cold lurked in the shadows of a dark alley, just waiting to shake me down.

The next day I had a little bit of lingering sore throat and congestion, but I did my anti-bug cocktail again and now I'm attempting exercise.

The bruise on my knee is starting to go grey and I've been walking okay for a few days. Given the lack of other health weirdness, it seems like a good time to squat. The toddler and I are also going to take the black lab for a short walk.

The GERD has calmed down. My asthma is relatively well controlled (it's been iffy).

So thumbs up.