Drop It Like It's Hot

Did I just post yesterday? It seems like a week has passed already!

I forgot to say re: the toddler and her grumpy mornings that if I can make her laugh we're golden.

The only problem? I have NO sense of humor in the morning. None. And when I do finally pull something out of my ass, it can have unintended consequences.

Like the time I got her giggling over the idea of our clumsy yellow lab in high heels and a dress. I then caught her chasing the poor dog through the house, trying to put shoes on his feet. I saved the yellow lab only to turn around and find that she'd tied the black lab to some furniture with a jump rope, buried her under a heap of dress-up clothes and topped it off with an open umbrella set over her.

I walked into the kitchen to see my labby love looking at me with wide, anxious eyes, her tail thumping a plaintive plea of 'save me, please save me.'

So I need to be careful about what I say to her in the morning. Don't want to plant the wrong seed. Who knows? She might tie me up next!

As for me, Sunday was a good day overall. Didn't do much though, so it wasn't like I pushed any bars.

Today was kind of blah. I finally had a blood pressure drop while I was driving. It was mild in that I didn't think loss of consciousness was imminent, but I'd really rather not even have a mild drop while driving, you know? It lasted about a minute and I was grateful for every red light.

I thought about pulling over and having the hubby come get me, but by the time I was done dithering over what to do, the whole thing was over. I proceeded to yoga and then dithered about whether I should ask the hubby to bring me some pickle juice. But that seemed lame so I just sucked it up and mentally reviewed the sodium content of everything I'd eaten (as if that would help).

I was a little loopy and light headed at yoga, but was fine on the drive home.

I haven't been checking my blood pressure much of late, so my thought is to keep a better eye on it. The progesterone might change my blood pressure for the better. I am running a little lower than usual right now, for me at least, but nothing of note...108/78.

The Tiredest

Had a crappy couple of days, starting Friday. The tired to end all tireds. Some of it could be that I think I just need more rest and to be more aware of pacing myself than normal people. But I haven't allowed much down time in my schedule of late.

Remember when I complained about the toddler getting up at the crack of dawn? Well, now I'm going to complain about her wanting to sleep until 9am.

It's not that I'm never happy, it's that her schedule shifted from one where nothing happened until after noon to one where we need to be out of the house well before 9am.

So both of us are getting up much earlier than we would like. Truncated sleep for everyone!

FYI not a recipe for much rest.

Worse, the toddler is a not a morning person. Compound that with the fact that I'm generally not fully awake until about noon and we are a horrible pair in the morning. She's a screaming mess. She stomps through the house, crossing her arms and going 'humph' alternated with ear shattering shrieks which are the toddler version of 'eff you.' No she will not brush her teeth or put on her shoes or eat her breakfast. No no no! Meanwhile I'm blinking at her blearily, ready to just go back to bed and hide.

We launch practically every day like this.

It's a miracle we arrive anywhere on time, but somehow I pull it off without losing what's left of my sanity.

By Friday I was ready to lie down and never get up again. I felt horrid. I fantasized about steroids even, followed by dreams of progesterone.

It's way too soon to tell if progesterone is going to be helpful, but I am interested to see what happens when I start it again.

When I was on it last, I deep cleaned a room which involved lifting a couch with one hand and removing carpet. The effort did not ruin the rest of the day--I went on to do everything else I wanted. I can't even contemplate that right now.

This weekend has been busy but I've also made sure to rest more than I've been, including sleeping in as much as possible. Yesterday we went blackberry picking again (the hubby was impressed with how little I screamed about the bugs this time). I rested for a bit after that and then we took the toddler to a small carnival followed by a trip to the grocery store.

I tried to stay up and watch the Olympics but ended up passing out on the couch--I just never amassed any good energy yesterday, the whole day I was pushing through jello, faking it but never making it.

Today is an even lazier day, with nothing planned. I think my energy is better today, but ask me again after I've had to actually get off the couch.

Change in Status

I had thought today's post would've been a long list of everything that is going well, but instead I am playing everyone's favorite game:

Stomach flu, food poisoning or adrenal whatsis?

It started Sunday night and I was up most of the night being sick.

Since the adrenal piece didn't seem to kick in until the third trip to the bathroom, I'm crossing fingers this is something benign. Like bad kombucha. And there was possible stomach bug exposure...ten days ago, but still! There's hope of this being normal GI sick, right?

It was surreal to literally feel the strength draining from my legs, weakness overtaking me like poison. Again. For the umpteenth effing time.

I had begun to think I was past that.

As it turns out, not so much.

It's a bummer because I had just done the 2.5 mile walk for the first time without feeling like I wanted to lay down on the sidewalk and die. (Note: The walk made the hubby feel the same way the first time he did it with me. I think it's the million percent humidity that makes it so miserable. Or maybe we are just sloths who dress up like humans--that would explain so much.)

Today will be spent resting as much as possible, hoping that will be enough.

Fool's Gold

Saturday was a good day. I didn't do anything physical as my joints were quite stiff and sore from Friday's pool workout. (Drinking ginger lemon infusions helped tremendously by the way. LOVE ginger, very effective anti-inflammatory.)

I did, however, have a very productive work day. The toddler had a little buddy to fight play with so she was well occupied.

I finished edits on one story. Wrote the complete rough draft of another as well as made the cover in Photoshop (which is a real pita now that retailers have increased the cover sizes).

This morning I woke up, decided I felt good and did the elliptical first thing. I want to start exercising in the morning again so it's now or never. It pretty much sucked because it's hot and my legs are/were weak. Usually when I feel this good energy-wise I can chug away at 60rpm, today I was fighting to just stay in the 40s.

I've been puzzled by having weakness not in combination with fatigue. The two are like conjoined twins of torture, where one goes, the other follows. But then it occurred to me that maybe this is the first significant break in the adrenal pattern.

Maybe this is the beginning of the end?

Maybe now the weakness will fade too?

Or am I just fooling myself to think that any good days are the start of a new and better pattern?

That Would Be a No

The pajama day was a success...kind of. The toddler must've needed the downtime because she was content to putter all day with nary a whine, which has happened pretty much never.

I made meatballs, muffins, cookies and coleslaw. As well as lunch and dinner. Got in the elliptical work out.

Felt great. Checked my bp and saw it was 100/70 and thought huh. But I went by how I felt, which was fine (see also: big mistakes) so I did what I wanted to, which was cook and exercise.

Then my bp went pfffft to 99/68. In me, that doesn't feel so great. I became fatigued and rested most of the afternoon.

By early evening the GI stuff started along with weakness.

I had a googly-eyed bp drop that I didn't measure, just breathed through it on the couch and waited until I could see straight again.

It wasn't too bad and didn't last long, probably because my highest BP of the day was 115/79.

So that would be a no on stress response recovery?

High Exhaustion

BP still was not behaving so I took another dose of the prescription medicine yesterday. It did nothing, but today I seem to be trending lower.

I may be also a bit 'adrenal'. We went swimming last night and I got ambitious. I'm better right? I've been walking, up hills even. I should be able to do stuff now, right? So every 'adult swim' break, I ran my ass off in the pool. Today I'm sore and heavy-limbed and forgetting to eat.

I just ate and am hoping it will improve my sense of fatigue---not eating is half the battle sometimes.

Local Adrenal Bitchiness

BP is better today. It was still elevated this morning, but has been dropping.

I've been salting my food. On purpose. Because there seems to be a paradoxical relationship there. Salt stabilizes.

Don't ask me why or how or what.

I'm just muddling through, following my instincts (a distinct salt craving) and checking my BP frequently.

Saw the doctor. Licorice is no more. We had a roundabout conversation where they want me to go to the ER with my body slamming BP and I don't want to because, frankly, I'm pretty sure the ER would not care. I'd rather just fall back on the prescription meds. Then if it's out of control still or I pass out (I swear that day is coming), we could try an ER.

Preferably before any car accidents.

However, this is truly adrenal with a side of licorice. I've had this pattern before. I had that whole cold (which is pretty much done with me, the lead-up was the worst part adrenal-wise) without stress dosing which did not help. At all. There's just a lot of chaos in my system and the adrenals no likey.

Bitchy adrenals are evil devils.

Anyway, had a great day overall today. At least after the doctor's appointment. Another one-stick IV (squeee!).

Hubby came home an hour early with a birthday present for me. It's a gorgeous lamp with a glass lampshade. I love bright, shiny objects (yes, you could give me empty soup cans and I would be all 'oooo shiny') and was just thinking we needed a nicer lamp in the dining room, so a billion bonus points for the hubby. It caught his eye at a garage sale, and is major score given that the lamp is signed by the artist.

Then we went to a farmer's market and sourced grass fed meat and cheese (although did not buy any as mucho expensivo aiii). After that we ended up a great local restaurant with a little bowling machine to entertain the toddler. We sipped blueberry sage iced tea, sampled appetizers and...well... the toddler screamed her head off and was generally unpleasant.

And then she peed her pants.

Eh, so it wasn't perfect, but the hubby and I had a great time.

Still took a nap today, but my energy, otherwise, was good.

Now I Know

Thursday was a great day, except for the fact that I overdid it in the pool. Friday and Saturday I was in sad zombie shuffle mode with ever decreasing functionality.

By Saturday night, it became clear I had, in fact, caught the hubby's cold.

Which I kind of suspected. Being tired with increasing fatigue that erodes my ability to keep up with the basics of daily life is not normal even if I did over do it that one day. (And technically it's not so much that I over did it, it's that my body can't hack coming down with a cold and floating in a pool at the same time.)

It's a mild bug (I assume, based on the hubby's interaction with it) so I expect this will pass without too much drama.

Just to keep things interesting, however, my blood pressure is no longer controlled. Probably due to the licorice. Or being sick, I've had some zig-zags that make me think the adrenals are doing more than just making me tired. Either way, it needs attention.

I'm not stress dosing because I can sit on my ass all day today and don't have to be anywhere. I plan to do the same tomorrow. This cold should pass by then (I hope) and allow me to move on.

I am convinced that the key is going to be BHRT and if I can't stay off steroids, that won't happen.

If the asthma gets worse or the adrenal GI stuff starts up, it will change the game, but, for now, I'm trying to just hold on to the status quo.

Wish me luck, because, apparently, I don't have any.

Acceleration

Last week after I did so poorly despite alternative medicine's "best treatment" I freaked. Things like "I'm never going to get better" were uttered.

So I contacted Dr. Alternative and begged for hormones.

Which were originally on the agenda for next month.

Today I had another office visit as a result of my begging and here's the scoop...

1. They looked at the chemistry and I may be on to something with the 'low progesterone is bad for cortisol levels' thing, but I need to be steroid free before they'll do any bio-identical hormone replacement therapy (BHRT).

For at least a week.

Which, I'm almost there.

Possible confounding factor: The hubby and the toddler are sick. If the hubby is sick, that's bad because he never gets sick. When's he's got a bug, I have about 90% odds of getting it too. So I'm all up in arms and running in circles like a chicken looking for its head over here.

2. I also need to rest more and to not tax my system so much. Sounds great, but I'm not sure how that's going to happen. I feel like I'm pretty slowed down to begin with and now I need to go even slower? Am I supposed to move in slow motion? Oh wait, that happens and it doesn't help.

My need for rest outpaces the number of hours in the day. It's insatiable. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage this, but I'll try.

Here's an anecdote that illustrates the edge my body keeps falling over: We went for a walk last night. A glorious, post-thunderstorm walk. Half way through, I heard an animal in the bushes in the same area where I was attacked by a dog while I was pregnant.

We never saw any animal, but I got all uptight, flashing back to the attack and feeling like some mean dog was going to come at me. (By the way, WHAT is with the animal theme lately?)

After that point, I kept having to stop and rest because I'd become too weak to walk continuously. That's how brittle my stress response is.

So I could take to my bed and do nothing and even that would not be enough. As I told Doctor Alternative, my body requires absolute perfection, anything less and it can't cope. This is the main problem. I can function, but nothing can go wrong and that's not real life.

I could go to bed, but if it catches on fire, I'm sol. (Don't laugh, that could happen. No, I don't smoke, you're just underestimating my karma. Don't do that lest it want to prove you wrong.)

I can't give my body what it needs. I'm not sure anything else can either.

3. Dr. Alternative increased the IV treatments to twice a week in an effort to accelerate whatever we can.

Forward Motion

Sunday went well. It started pretty crappy--I just could not get up and I had some adrenal pain. Realized I forgot to take the licorice again. So that was probably causing drama. Liberal application of caffeine helped.

The odd thing, I don't really feel like the licorice has an effect...unless I miss a dose. Then I notice it. Had all sorts of steroid withdrawal muscle pain as well.

The hubby and I got out to see a movie, a rare treat. We saw Men In Black 3, which we enjoyed, although I have to force myself not to think too hard or else the plot holes get to me. We laughed, we cried (it was quite poignant in spots) and had a good time.

We tried to eat out at the Mediterranean place we like, but they couldn't remove tomatoes from anything. While I hope Doctor Alternative is right and it's just the treatment and not an allergy, the fact my nose swells shut with tomato consumption makes me cautious.

So we went home and I made my own damn Fattoush salad (without the glutinous pita or the nasal blocking tomatoes). Don't have any pictures of it, but it was delicious. Just wish I could find organic parsley.

Then I started a new story. Despite the threats in my last post, I had not intended to, but the story started flashing through my head in technicolor which means I have to write it NOW or lose it. It's an idea I've had on my to-do list for a while, so my sub-conscious must've been gnawing on it.

I think I wrote 2000 words in 30 minutes. It was a crazy writing session complete with a cranky toddler, who I refused to let distract me, and I LOVE what I have down. It will need editing and fleshing out, but the premise is really unique and marketable. I'm excited.

To close out the day, we went for a walk. It was a tough one, but I still enjoyed it.

Here's to not forgetting the licorice anytime soon!

Weekend Report

Saturday went better than expected. I managed a (slow) walk in the heat of the day, which was no small feat given that it's August in June around these parts. I'm having some issues with lack of appetite that concern me, at it's often a bad sign, and there's still some limb weakness as well, but, overall, the day was good.

Still steroid free.

When I stop falling asleep in the afternoon, I'll be convinced the worst is over. That almost happened today, but then I zonked out against my will. Don't worry, the toddler did a cannonball into my stomach and woke me up.

The writing has been hard again. I had three stories, all pretty much at the mid-point and I had to drop everything in May as I was too sick to work. Coming back to the murky middle of three stories has sucked.

One I worked on for a while, got irritated and called it done. About the best I can say is the story structure is in place (i.e. beginning, middle, end), but it will need a lot of editing and plot hole fixing. About 60% done.

The second, I think is going better. I just finished condensing the story elements and now just need to finish the end. It will still require edits, but the more cosmetic ones, not heavy structural edits. It's more like 80% done.

The third should be easy peasy. But no, it's not. It's been giving me fits. That one is like -500% not done. And it's pissing me off because it's a good story that shouldn't be that hard to finish.

On the up side, I have multiple five star reviews on a short I released before I got sick. From people I don't know. (This is kind of remarkable because it's more common to get either no reviews or bad ones than anyone saying anything nice.) People really like that story and let me just take a moment to say 'neener-neener' to the anthology that passed on it.

Is it selling any books? No, of course not, that would be too easy. But any time I don't think I can write, I go back and look at all those five star reviews from complete strangers who have no obligation to say the nice things they are saying.

And then I go beat my head against the three stories in process some more. If it stays this hard, I'll be scrapping them all and just start something completely new. It's not like I don't have ideas.

Oddities and Delicacies

So, yep, the toddler has a growth inside her ear. Not sure how they are going to remove it, but the ped wasn't going to touch it. "Umm yeah, that's a growth alright. Huh, it's attached. Oh, sorry honey, did that hurt?" So we move on to ENT. I'm rather wary of the whole thing.

Of note, it's in the left ear and was quite swollen the day we first saw it (it has since shrunk). Makes ya wonder if that's the root cause of the recent band-aid addiction? She hasn't always had it as she's had regular check-ups, so it's new-ish, but I can dream that its removal will cure all that ails her, right?

Also, we still are on alien watch. You just never know when those things are going to hatch out of someone's head.

As for food. I made almond-flax blueberry pancakes. Absolutely delicious and they take 5 minutes to make. I was sorry I didn't make any for myself. The toddler ate them. This time. She's famous for eating anything once so I'm not holding my breath. But I liked them and at least I can (and will) make them for myself.

Monday was day three of no steroids. I don't want to jinx anything as I don't think I'm quite home free, but it's going better than expected. I'm starting to feel like things will actually get better as opposed to having nightmares every night that I'm dying and can't get up (for realz, nightmares, adds a whole new layer of suck to being sick).

Today is my next alternative medicine IV and my follow-up with the Integrative MD. This will be the first time I've seen them whilst also being in possession of all my mental faculties. Pray they find a vein. The hour long roto-rooter sessions are getting old.

And what else? Writing is finally falling into a groove. For a while there, every time I sat down to write, I felt like a stroke victim. The words would not come, I was just blank and empty. Probably still recovering. I had to walk away from one story for a while and focus on something that finally got me going again. I hope to finish the almost-final draft this week.

Sales sucked in May. June is looking better, but never count your book sales before they're made.

Here's to a better week than all of last month and to finally maybe turning the damn corner.

Progeny

Sunday was a pretty good day with some minor hiccups. Went to church, promptly fatigued and came home where I rested for a few hours. We didn't even make the service.

We did make it to the swimming pool. I tried to be very careful about not doing too much, as that's a trigger, but dug myself into a little hole anyway. I rested on the blanket for about an hour while the hubby and toddler swam and that seemed to do the trick.

Then before bed, limb heaviness and that slow stumbling fatigue gait came for a visit.

I hope today will be better.

Because I need to have my wits about me.

We need to get the toddler to the doctor today.

There is a growth in her ear. I think it may just be a skin tag, but it also looks like it's extending back into the ear canal. It's attached. Anchored in there, hunched down tight.

We found it by chance as, apparently, it wasn't/isn't bothering her.

But it's bothering us. Quite a bit and it needs to be looked at. Preferably before the aliens hatch in her brain.

Of course, if it is a skin tag...then she's got my messed up metabolism. Which I kind of figured. I also think she's wheat sensitive as it bloats her up pretty well. I'd like to feed her paleo food, but she ain't having it.

For having a mom whose main food group is lettuce these days and who wonders when she'll be able to afford grass-fed beef (if ever), the toddler sure is a carb junkie. You would think we keep Doritos and Milk Duds in stock here, which...I would have to die first.

You name it, I've tried it. She did eat some blueberry 'ice cream' with added spinach--pictured on the left-- you would totally eat that, right?

However, since our blender is 20 years old, it didn't puree everything (despite the half hour I gave it to gnaw on things) and she found an intact spinach leaf in her bowl. After which, she wouldn't touch it even if you gave her a ten foot pole made out of candy.

Any way. Parenting. It's not for the faint of heart. Or those who don't own a Vitamix.

If there's any breaking news of alien invasion...it came from my kid's ear. Prepare yourself.

TGIF

Saw the pulmo. Same old, same old. Not quite as dismissive of the edema this time, but not wanting to prescribe meds for it yet, which is fine. I just don't want to bloat to death. Basically, I need to buy a bigger shoe for those days when my feet have swollen past their usual size 9 so I can still exercise. That will be interesting.

Energy continues to be better on 10mg. I don't really 'wake up' until it hits my system. I also still get some residual weakness/fatigue, especially at the end of the day when the steroids have worn off.

However, I baked muffins (pumpkin-cranberry), did the dishes, washed the cabinet faces, wrote an article, played badminton with my hubby and visited my house guest's new apartment.

(Why is it the house guests we like always leave and the ones we can't stand stay forever?)

That's, like, a pretty normal day for me. It was exciting.

My plan with the steroids is 5 days x 10mg, 5 days x 7.5mg, 5 days by 5mg and then alternate days until I don't need it. (More likely I'll ping pong all over the place because it won't be linear.)

I'm not sure why I'm doing so badly. I don't think I suppressed again. I used steroids, but kept the doses very low because:

1) High dose steroids don't control the asthma any better in my experience. By the time I've outpaced the five different meds I have in my arsenal, no amount of steroids is going to be a cure. In fact, the 125mg I got in the ER only lasted a few hours, it's impact had faded by the time I was discharged.

For the record, I go to the ER for the nebulizer treatments. Ones with more meds in it than I have at home, which did not happen. Actually, the ER flubbed too. I saw in my discharge papers that I supposedly got 2 neb treatments 30 minutes apart, which is a lie! I wish that had happened! ER Fail.

2)Not breathing is easier than HPA axis suppression. I have said that before and I was so not kidding. I was/am/always will be desperate to protect myself from suppression.

So 125mg solumedrol was the most I got. I metabolized it very quickly--the steroid withdrawal hit me not even 12 hours later, which I thought was strange. Usually it lasts more than 24 hours before assaulting me with full body muscle cramps.

Going back to my original theory--I didn't stress dose enough and put myself in the hole. That one is fairly plausible. I was stingy with the steroids and suspect this is the price I pay for that. Let's hope my payment plan is enough for the piper.

10mg Dance Party

Tried 5mg on Wed and it wasn't enough. It hit me better than it did on Monday, but I was still somewhat sleepy with lots of limb heaviness. Took a while for the second 5mg to hit my system, but, once it did, all was right with my physiology.

Almost. Still a teeny bit of limb weakness, but nothing that could stop me.

I lived the dream.

I vacuumed!

I dusted!

I argued with the steam cleaner and gave up!

I sat and just gloried in the feeling of well-being as opposed to that of death warmed over. OMG. I felt fabulous. Like I had woken from the dead.

Then I put on some music and did the bare minimum of squats and push-ups, something I've managed to do, by some miracle, every 2 to 3 days while sick. I am pleased because this was one of my goals--not to give up on fitness even when I'm sick. It wasn't easy, but I did it and I suspect the only reason I managed it at all was because of the IV nutrition therapy.

Of course Wed was easy due to 10mg. With steroids, my life is possible. I hate that it's true, but it is. I don't know how to get past this, how to help my body move forward. It seems impossible.

I also saw my shin bones on Wed for the first time in...months? The shin bone sighting (the Yeti of my body!) made realize I kind of have edema at some level all the time now. I have mentioned it before to my pulmo because they ask, but they don't seem to see it, which means, of course, that I'm a lying liar who lies, right? So it's been dismissed. However it's progressing and I need to advocate more strongly.

As far as I know, my heart is okay. I had an EKG at the ER and it wasn't exciting for anyone. Well, except for me as I'm rather fascinated by the texture of the adhesive on the patches. I also peel rubber glue off magazine offers. Now you've met your TMI quota for the day. You're welcome.

Wed was also the toddler's award ceremony and party for Tae Kwon Do. Thanks to steroids, I was able to make a cake. Gluten free, high protein, packed with fiber and very low sugar. It's delicious despite being so healthy. Slowly, but surely my baking talents are transferring over to a whole new approach to food. ('Course I can't eat it, what,with chocolate triggering massive heartburn and all. Sigh.)

Click this pic to enlarge and then tell me you don't want a piece. I dare you. The kids were scraping the crumbs off the plate and I got requests for the recipe. High fiber, high protein low sugar cake y'all, it's really that good.

Allergic Asthma?

Yesterday was full of surprises.

My energy was low and it took me a while to figure it out.

I forgot to take my nightly dose of licorice. And my body really cared about that. It missed it like some people miss Bill Clinton's presidency.

By the time I was a slumped lump with the toddler in the church nursery, literally unable to keep my eyes open and trying to figure out where on the floor I could lay down without anyone seeing me, I realized I probably should stress dose.

There was a lot of breakfast and my morning vitamins in my stomach so it seemed like it took forever for 5mg to hit me, but ever so gradually, I could keep my eyes open.

Yes, that was the big battle of my day. Not sprawling across frayed church carpet and staying conscious. I still konked out later, in my bed, at home, without any public drooling, which I count as a win.

It's interesting to note that my am cortisol a few weeks ago was 15. Not too shabby. Quite good in fact. I continue to believe it's an issue of responding to stress--that I don't have the full spectrum of functionality. Which is almost impossible to measure with blood work. I would need an ITT or OMM to even come close to understanding the failures in my HPA axis.

Anyway, from there, I had some salsa. Tomatoes are an iffy food for me these days, sometimes okay, sometimes not. This time not. Or rather, I think the big chunks of pepper were the problem.

The interesting thing, it caused an asthma flare. I began hacking, my throat began to itch (an itch I've known to be asthma in the past) and I got a little flash of heart burn (although, thankfully, no eruption of Mt. Acid).

Okay, so now I want to say I don't think I've had food allergies all along. I think this is a new development. That I had GERD, which is currently controlled with the enzymes, but now allergies are coming up. I've had some sensitivity to peppers off and on since my 20s, but food triggering asthma is completely new, never experienced before.

The reason I back track is I was remembering when GERD started for me and I ate no trigger foods for weeks and weeks and it didn't improve. So the GERD is not as simple as never eating another tomato or pepper.

I think I have new food allergies, which is not great news. It would've been better the way I originally took it, that they'd been there all along. The last thing I need is an even more hyper-sensitive system!

Now what do I do about it? Avoid the offending foods and what? Am I really never going to eat chocolate again? Or tomato bisque? Or cucumber salad? Ever?

I did test some organic cocoa powder in a smoothie. It did not cause heartburn, but I did have some nausea. I want to try it one more time with a smaller dose.

My mind is just boggled by this. I don't want any allergies!

Tired Monday

I must be getting better if my body can finally muster the energy for PMS. I'm about a week late, I assume due to the stress of illness.

Breathing is still not super great. Lots of pressure and tightness--often can't 'pinch an inch' on my chest. I continue to need to go slow--that includes not talking so much because that makes me pant. But I'm trying to stick with just the albuterol inhaler and not do the nebulizer. So far so good.

In the name of stupidity necessity, I plan to hit 4 stores later today to get some errands dealt with while the hubby is home to drive me around and pick me up if I fall down.

Hallelujah the hubby is home. OMG. So glad to have another sane adult (we have a surplus of crazy living with us) home to help out.

I haven't weighed myself, finding that to be counterproductive during PMS, but my stomach is quite flat and I would estimate about a 10lb weight loss. I have no appetite. Even being on steorids. None. I even forgot to feed the toddler a few times--I just don't care about food. So it's back to forcing myself to eat at regular intervals. Fortunately, my appetite likes salad this time.

Survivor

Yesterday I had about two hours where I felt like I was going to kick this bug and then I started feeling like poo-poo again. I went to an event where everyone introduced themselves one-by-one, but I have absolutely no memory of people saying their names. None. So farking loopy from being sick.

But it's two more hours than I've had since this thing took over my body 12 days ago. So we'll see.

Took 5mg. Wished it had been 10mg, but I'm trying not to get carried away. Steroids won't kill this bug and it's serious enough that steroids can't compensate for it fully either. I could take 100mg and it wouldn't do anything, I don't think.

Tried the green powder in a strong black tea with coconut oil. That seems to be doable. The yogurt wasn't working anymore for me. I don't know that I'll ever get up to the 2 tbsps. 'prescribed' for me, but I am trying.

And also still wiping green slime from the walls. Apparently I evicted it with some force.

Mother's Day was okay around these parts. Did you know that the day after Mother's Day is the day women sign up on affair sites en masse? It is the busiest day of the year for those companies. I did not have that compulsion this year (or any other year, for the record), but this cold just makes everything hard. I almost cancelled everything to go to Urgent Care instead.

Our big tradition is that we avoid restaurants (crazy crowded, not my thing) and just stay home, planting flowers and eating take out/grilling.

But somehow we got sucked into a restaurant meal. Mine was awful as all the broccoli tasted like greens powder.

Thankfully, we had time to go buy flowers and plant them afterwards (which is to say the hubby did all the work), which made my day. Once they are in full bloom, I'll take a picture. We have a gorgeous wall of irises in the back (blooming two months early thanks to climate change) and then annuals in front of them.

Failure

Yesterday, my stomach realized it had been remiss in its duties to provide the free world with acid. Acid for everyone! That's my stomach's motto.

By the time I took Nexium, it didn't even work.

So I'll ask and see what the alternative medicine people say. Not too hopeful that there's anything they can do. The alternative paradigm is that heartburn is because you have too little acid or lack enzymes, but my problem has always been that I overproduce.

Then, I could not get up. Just could not wake up on Friday. I was really down for the count. I had to call for help with the toddler because I just couldn't do it.

I did not stress dose, figuring maybe if I stayed in bed all day that things might improve. I rested all day, felt semi-human by the evening.

Of course, today, same problem. I'm so fatigued, I'm fighting to stay awake. And I just don't have time for this. May is probably, literally, the busiest month of my life (and the hubby's life, it's really insane). We have three different events going today alone and I have to be able to cope. So I took 5mg.

This chest cold turned head cold is not helping. I'm at that tipping point where I'll either get better or need antibiotics. Either way, it's pure sinus pain misery.

High as a Kite

Nine times out of ten, vitamins kick the bug's ass.

The tenth time?

The bug kicks my ass.

Even if I just had a mega IV infusion of vitamins.

I feel like I'm floating, a ghost in my own life. Loopy and swirling like a kite trick.

I don't think the doc believed me Monday when I said I was sick. It wasn't overt, in-your-face-sick. Yet. It was all gummed up in gooey lumps in my lungs, held in suspension.

By Tuesday you couldn't miss it since I'd lost my voice and had begun hacking like a lab pig forced to smoke 24/7. (They use smoker pig lungs in Anatomy and Physiology classes around here. Poor piggies.) My lungs feel like glass about to shatter every time I cough.

The asthma is a bit more serious than it's been, although I have hope it will resolve without any drama.

I am becoming progressively more tired and weak. Since I have to work tonight, that may mean steroids.

Which are not alternative medicine physician approved.

Ha.

I love the irony of my medical care. Mainstream medicine thinks there's nothing wrong with me, but since they can't empirically rule out adrenal weirdness and I have a decently documented medical history, they give me steroids just to be safe (after much complaining on my part).

Alternative medicine totally agrees with my view that the steroids royally messed me up and my system is not right. But they don't want me to take anything mainstream medicine has to offer.

Neither extreme partners with me or values my feedback. They all just want mute compliance from their patients--no matter the personal cost to the patient.

I feel like Goldilocks. Too hot, too cold, and never just right.

By the way, vegan and 'raw' vitamins taste like ass. Why is that? Is raw food veganism a masochism thing?