Sticking It

Well, knock me over with an IV needle, they got me in one stick today! I was in and out in an hour vs. the four hour marathons I've been doing.

What changed?

Possibly nothing, but, after the doctor struggled to get a vein for a good 45 minutes the other day, I was given a supplement for "hard sticks and fragile veins."

It smells like rancid dog food.

I'm supposed to chew it.

I don't chew it. I swallow it whole

You can chew it.

The product is called Cataplex.

As for the latest...

Thursday was a good day, I enjoyed myself thoroughly just being able to do all the normal daily activities around these parts. However, the toddler is not sleeping through the night and has kept us up the last two nights, ergo, today the sleep deprivation is wiping the floor with me.

This goes back to what I posted previously. My body requires perfection, it can't function on anything less. I could take to my bed like a Victorian hysteric, but that won't make the toddler sleep and that is the big conundrum--Life is not conducive to recuperation.

Still, so long as I don't catch the cold everyone has and can get a nap as well as a good night's sleep tonight, I can pull ahead of this one. I have enough in me now to do that much.

Acceleration

Last week after I did so poorly despite alternative medicine's "best treatment" I freaked. Things like "I'm never going to get better" were uttered.

So I contacted Dr. Alternative and begged for hormones.

Which were originally on the agenda for next month.

Today I had another office visit as a result of my begging and here's the scoop...

1. They looked at the chemistry and I may be on to something with the 'low progesterone is bad for cortisol levels' thing, but I need to be steroid free before they'll do any bio-identical hormone replacement therapy (BHRT).

For at least a week.

Which, I'm almost there.

Possible confounding factor: The hubby and the toddler are sick. If the hubby is sick, that's bad because he never gets sick. When's he's got a bug, I have about 90% odds of getting it too. So I'm all up in arms and running in circles like a chicken looking for its head over here.

2. I also need to rest more and to not tax my system so much. Sounds great, but I'm not sure how that's going to happen. I feel like I'm pretty slowed down to begin with and now I need to go even slower? Am I supposed to move in slow motion? Oh wait, that happens and it doesn't help.

My need for rest outpaces the number of hours in the day. It's insatiable. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage this, but I'll try.

Here's an anecdote that illustrates the edge my body keeps falling over: We went for a walk last night. A glorious, post-thunderstorm walk. Half way through, I heard an animal in the bushes in the same area where I was attacked by a dog while I was pregnant.

We never saw any animal, but I got all uptight, flashing back to the attack and feeling like some mean dog was going to come at me. (By the way, WHAT is with the animal theme lately?)

After that point, I kept having to stop and rest because I'd become too weak to walk continuously. That's how brittle my stress response is.

So I could take to my bed and do nothing and even that would not be enough. As I told Doctor Alternative, my body requires absolute perfection, anything less and it can't cope. This is the main problem. I can function, but nothing can go wrong and that's not real life.

I could go to bed, but if it catches on fire, I'm sol. (Don't laugh, that could happen. No, I don't smoke, you're just underestimating my karma. Don't do that lest it want to prove you wrong.)

I can't give my body what it needs. I'm not sure anything else can either.

3. Dr. Alternative increased the IV treatments to twice a week in an effort to accelerate whatever we can.

Alternative Medicine Check-Up

Saw the altnernative doc. They think I look much better, which I guess is true, since I'm no longer dying of bronchitis. I am more tentative. I've been in this place before, feeling like the worst is behind me only to realize that the 'new normal' comes with limitations. I'm afraid to be optimistic because that just gets me burned.

Their plan is 6 to 8 months of IV nutrition therapy and also bioidentical hormone replacement therapy.

My plan is to sell a kidney to pay for all of that because this is getting seriously expensive. I wish the clinic had been more forthright about costs, because I was told it was $50 an IV session and it's not even close.

Waaaaay more money.

Add in the herbs and shit?

Even more money.

It's hard not to feel a little hoodwinked when they say one thing and then steal your wallet.

If you see the money fairy, send her my way, okay? Meanwhile I'll be writing as fast as I can (which is still slow as I'm a slow writer, totally the wrong speed for the output I need to achieve asap).

If I can get another release out this month, I'll be happy.

On the food allergy front, Dr. Alternative says it should be transient, a side effect of the IV therapy and its impact on my body. I hope that's true as I had some salsa the other night and my nose swelled shut. Chocolate, on the other hand, has been better, which gives me hope.

My big question, which remains unanswered by either. Dr. Google or Dr. Alternative is, if I have low progesterone (which I do) and progesterone is a precursor to cortisol production, how does that limit production capacity of cortisol? Or not? What fail-safes are built into the system and what impact does that have on health?

I've actually been researching this quite a bit and can't find anything. Apparently no one else in the webiverse has ever had this question. Sometimes I've stared at biochemistry charts hoping to intuit something, but, while I love Biochemistry, I never took more than the basic class in college, so it's beyond me.

Or maybe I just haven't found the right chart yet. Cue more googling and chart staring.

Dr. Alternative says it was a good question, but had no answer ready other than to move up the bioidentical hormone piece to sometime next month vs. waiting six months--which I was happy about because I think this is all connected. I don't know if it comes through on this blog, but it is clear to me that my whole body is shutting down. Nothing is working right and I think the answer lies in getting all my hormones balanced, not just cortisol.

I've been reading a lot about hormones and anti-aging (as this is the only area of medicine that seems dedicated to getting hormones right) and want to share a quote with you from a book I'm reading. T.S. Wiley is an "anthropologist focusing on evolutionary biology and environmental endocrinology in molecular medicine and genetics."

She was interviewed by Suzanne Somers (yes, from Three's Company fame) for the book Ageless. If you haven't read any of Somers' books, you are missing out because she interviews the thought leaders in alternative medicine and science. The ideas and information are very thought provoking, even if you don't agree with them.

So. The following stood out to me because it talks about hormones and the HPA axis, a topic near and dear to my heart.

T.S. Wiley says "So the pill's synthetic hormones and dosing regimen derange the original HPA axis, which is sort of a global positioning system, to tell your systems the time of day and year based upon your location to the planet. Unfortunately, whether or not the axis ever rights itself depends upon childbirth.

If you have babies after the pill, that's a start, that helps. Whether or not this axis can stay righted as you continue to reproduce depends upon lifestyle. How late you stay up, how much sugar you eat, how old you are inside.

But once the HPA axis is deranged you need a jolt, like cardiac paddles, you know, when they jump start your heart to get your hormones back in sync with the planet. You can use bioidenticals, if you use them in rhythm and use them the right way, to make peaks that feed back to the brain, and then the brain talks to the lower half.

You have to make up the part of the song that is missing."

Yeah, totally missing the melody and harmony over here. I think all I have is a slow drum beat left to my song.

The entire book is fascinating as is another book by Somers dealing with cancer, Knockout. Check them out if you have the chance. Everyone who has done so on my recommendation has been amazed.

Oddities and Delicacies

So, yep, the toddler has a growth inside her ear. Not sure how they are going to remove it, but the ped wasn't going to touch it. "Umm yeah, that's a growth alright. Huh, it's attached. Oh, sorry honey, did that hurt?" So we move on to ENT. I'm rather wary of the whole thing.

Of note, it's in the left ear and was quite swollen the day we first saw it (it has since shrunk). Makes ya wonder if that's the root cause of the recent band-aid addiction? She hasn't always had it as she's had regular check-ups, so it's new-ish, but I can dream that its removal will cure all that ails her, right?

Also, we still are on alien watch. You just never know when those things are going to hatch out of someone's head.

As for food. I made almond-flax blueberry pancakes. Absolutely delicious and they take 5 minutes to make. I was sorry I didn't make any for myself. The toddler ate them. This time. She's famous for eating anything once so I'm not holding my breath. But I liked them and at least I can (and will) make them for myself.

Monday was day three of no steroids. I don't want to jinx anything as I don't think I'm quite home free, but it's going better than expected. I'm starting to feel like things will actually get better as opposed to having nightmares every night that I'm dying and can't get up (for realz, nightmares, adds a whole new layer of suck to being sick).

Today is my next alternative medicine IV and my follow-up with the Integrative MD. This will be the first time I've seen them whilst also being in possession of all my mental faculties. Pray they find a vein. The hour long roto-rooter sessions are getting old.

And what else? Writing is finally falling into a groove. For a while there, every time I sat down to write, I felt like a stroke victim. The words would not come, I was just blank and empty. Probably still recovering. I had to walk away from one story for a while and focus on something that finally got me going again. I hope to finish the almost-final draft this week.

Sales sucked in May. June is looking better, but never count your book sales before they're made.

Here's to a better week than all of last month and to finally maybe turning the damn corner.

10 mg

I felt horrid all weekend. Ended up with that 5mg dose on Sunday and tried to do without the next day. Monday was okay-ish so long as I sat on my ass, which I mostly did. When I perked up a bit at night, I decided to go for a walk.

Ha.

That's rich. Me? Exercise? Only if the sad zombie shuffle counts as aerobic activity. Made it four blocks on weak legs and called it quits.

Tuesday, was worse than Monday. Ostensibly due to my zombie workout. Had a hard time staying awake, my eyes kept closing. My legs were very weak, like a weight was pressing me down, demanding I kneel. I couldn't handle the stairs without stopping to wait for my legs to recover and had to sit a lot. Gait was slow and stumbling. The last time it was this bad was right after the adrenal crisis last year, so it really got my attention.

Breathing was fine. No shortness of breathe. No chest pain or pressure. Any asthma was mild, still reacting to the tomato pepper 'poisoning.'

Since I had an IV appointment with Dr. Alternative, I held off on steroids. Yes, I drove with eyes that would not stay open. I'm going to try not to do that again.

Dr. Alternative was not in the clinic so I threw caution to the wind and took 5mg with the goal of improving my driving. That opened my eyes, but my legs were still very weak. So I did another 5mg and that did the trick.

My theory is I probably underdosed the stress dosing while I was actively ill and I'm in the hole. I need to stress dose for a while to climb back out. I'll be starting with 5mg and see how that goes. The goal is to get me functioning at a level higher than the sentient vegetable I've been of late.

Although we'll see what Dr. Alternative thinks--maybe they have a trick or two up their sleeve.

Oh, how was the Meyer's Cocktail? Yesterday's IV infusion was the first where I've been healthy enough not to have an acute asthma response. It still kind of wiped me out despite the steroids though, which I don't think it's supposed to do. I don't know.

I got a hug from another patient though. I must be scoring high on the pity index. That has not really ever been my life's goal.

And Just Like That, It's Cocktail Time

I woke up yesterday, after writhing with nausea until 2am, and was fine.

No need for albuterol or nebulizer.

So farking weird. I want to accuse myself of making it all up, but I was there! You would never know I had intractable asthma the entire day before--nothing I did worked. And to go from the narrow edge of an adrenal crisis to not,in what seemed like the blink of an eye, was just...bizarre. Did my body run a Hail Mary pass at the last minute or what?

Fatigue was okay, with some adrenal burning in my back. If I hadn't needed to drive, I would not have taken any steroids yesterday. Since I had places to go, I did 5mg to play it safe.

Got my vitamin IV and boy, did it stir the pot.

This was my first official Meyer's Cocktail. I don't know what the others are called. Anti-oxidant infusions? But they weren't Meyers from what I know.

Here's the list of what was in my Meyer's Cocktail:

-Vitamin C
-Magnesium Sulfate (with more added later.)
-Calcium Chloride
-Pyridoxine
-Dexpanthenol
-Vitamin B-12 (ah, no wonder I feel so frisky despite being tired from lack of sleep!)
-Vitamin B complex
-L-glutathione
-Glycchrric Acid (that looks misspelled to me, but it's what they wrote down.)

For a second time in three weeks (OMG I've been sick forever), the IV infusion went in and 'broke' the congestion in my lungs loose. I became acute very rapidly and my BP plunged. Hence the additional magnesium, which helped quite a bit.

At the start, the IV hit me like a Mack Truck and took me down. By the end, I was better. Again, better than the ER. Better than the nebulizer. Even if it was the initial trigger, although all that gunk would've caused problems sooner or later anyways.

So I'm tired and wiped and just blah.

Going backwards a bit...the ER visit last week. I filled out the survey for the ER. Not sure if I'll mail it in though. My only criticism is they really didn't pay close attention to my O2 levels and I really needed the doctor to ask me how I felt since it would've triggered me to say 'not better.' (I was too out of it to communicate well, something else that was missed. I think I was just perceived as quiet and no trouble vs. sick.)

In the end, it all worked out, I guess. They were so slammed and I looked better than I was, so I know it wasn't intentional. On the other hand, I feel like maybe it would help to say 'Hey, you discharged a patient whose O2 dropped to 90 after rolling over and sitting up. She left just as bad as when she came in.'

I don't know. I'm conflicted about it. It's also amazing how uneven ER response is to asthma.

Rush

I woke up yesterday, very clear in my lungs. No tightness. Didn't need any albuterol and, as a result, I decided to stop the steroids. Still congested in my nose though with a productive cough, but I think I'm winning the war. Finally, 20 days later.

Since I felt so much better, I did the 'Rush' Zumba workout which is 20 minutes. I didn't go full force, kept it light but worked up a sweat.

Being sick reinforces my decision to do the DVDs over signing up for a class. It's vital that I go at my own pace, in my own time. Strict schedule adherence is impossible for me still and sometimes I modify things in a way that would make me very awkwardly stand out in a group class.

It feels so so SO good to use my body again. I hate being sidelined (doesn't everyone?). I think a lot of my ability to even do this much so soon stems from the IV nutrition therapy. I'm a total convert, about to become a zealot.

By the way, I did find one study on IV therapy for asthma. They hyped magnesium but there's also mention of nutrients like B12."Patients who received longer-term therapy (average duration of 12.58 months) for chronic asthma demonstrated an overall average improvement of 95%." That's pretty interesting. If there's a way I can better manage this stuff with less disruption of my life, I'm all for it.

As for the rest of the day post-Zumba... I overdid it a little bit. Ran three errands and my lungs got a bit raw and reactive. That tired me out and I was happy to go to bed.

The Latest Flavor

The antibiotic is working. The drug-induced diarrhea is brewing. And I firmly believe I stayed out of the ER and hospital because of all the alternative woo-woo stuff.

Even if it does all taste like sun-dried bull testicles with a delicate and flavorful cat vomit crust.

The clinic had some 'bars' for sale that included greens powder.

"Have you tried these?" I asked, wondering if it was indeed possible to make greens powder palatable.

"Oh yeah, they're great."

"Which one would you recommend?"

"The lemon is really lemony, but good. I like this other one best."

So I selected the bar the staff said they liked.

Ha!

It tasted like ass.

I didn't even chew it, just spit it back out.

To date, there is no known way to make this stuff not taste like ass.

The search continues.

(I really question whether the people who make this stuff even like food or if they've ever had any good food, like ever?)

Of course, my daughter, the sugar fiend, spotted the bar when I got home and begged daddy to "split it with me please, please, please." My husband had some inkling that the bar was not going to be great, but gave it to her anyway.

Predictably, she hated it.

It was rather comical watching her expression change as she realized she had not scored a free cookie, but rather something that tasted like ass. She spit it out right quick.

I was also given some licorice syrup on Tuesday. They set the ginormous bottle on the counter and my eyes went wide as I murmured "And how bad is this going to taste?"

For the record, better than greens powder, but still not great. No wonder they make candy with it, you need a ton of sugar to make it go down.

For those who don't know, licorice has some impact on adrenal function (and causes circulatory issues which I suspect I'll be vulnerable to, but we'll deal with that when it happens). I am interested to see how well it works for me.

The Thermometer Has Been Fired

I'm pretty sure this post is full of clunkers. Enough to make a writing junkyard. Sorry. You'll understand when you read it.

So I don't feel better. Yesterday was not great. I tried not to stress does and ended up driving so erratically, I hit a curb on a straight road. Had a hard time responding to changes in lanes. Just really out of it with fatigue.

And oh, lookey at who else showed up? Asthma. Big time. Felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. It's possible I wasn't fully oxygenated on top of everything else.

I took 10mg while the toddler was at OT and my breathing eased almost immediately. The energy bit lagged, but at least I didn't feel like I was armed and dangerous behind the wheel.

At preschool drop-off, my daughter's teacher greeted me with "You don't look great. Are you okay?" And she was not the only one who asked me if I was okay, apparently, I had the death-warmed-over look down (which I thought was strange because I dressed up in pretty fancy clothes--people would ooo and aah over my skirt and then tell me I looked awful. It was weird.)

From there, it dawned on me that this is/was a lot like walking pneumonia. Ah, a clue! I got one!

I began making phone calls trying to get into a doctor. Set up an appointment for today and then realized I could not wait that long, my breathing had deteriorated to the point of no return--the asthma had become acute.

(Pauses to glare at magazine containing 'you will die of antibiotics' article that convinced me to hold off seeing my doctor.)

But I had another alternative medicine appointment, an anti-oxidant infusion.

And I so did not want to go to the ER. Please, not that.

By sheer force of will, I hauled my gasping lungs out to the far East side of my town for the alternative medicine infusion. I was breathing so badly, I didn't have enough air to talk even if I wanted to, which was unfortunate as I managed to alarm everyone at the clinic. I could only take panting, shallow breaths. Faking normal was not possible. Bad ju-ju. Very bad.

Basically, what I'm saying is, I really should not have been out in public yesterday in any capacity other than seeking immediate medical care to ensure I continued to breathe. Duh. Live and learn.

I began to think I'd made a terrible mistake and toyed with leaving to go straight to the ER. Especially since it took them almost an hour to get a vein.

But I stayed. Mostly because the idea of more people trying to find a vein was just too much.

And, to my surprise, the infusion helped. Immensely. It saved me from an ER trip. It wasn't a cure, for that I needed antibiotics, but it was a huge huge OMG huge help and game changer yesterday. For the better. It was way better than a nebulizer treatment too.

So, take that, mainstream medicine.

However, one of the things I don't like about my alternative care is there's not much proactive disclosure. If I don't ask what's in the IV bag, I won't be told. That bothers me. I don't think that's a 'best practice'.

However, of course, I asked and it was Alpha Lipoic Acid and something-something-choline. I never made it to the L-glutathiamine (I think that's spelled right) because I 'over-oxidized' or, in other words, my system was full up on anti-oxidants and didn't need any more. You know when this happens because you turn red somewhere on your body. I got a hive-y rash on my arm near the infusion site. Other people get red faces, ears or necks.

I also had a B12 shot.

For the record, I have taken oral Alpha Lipoic Acid for years without coming even close to the positive effects of receiving it by IV. It even helps my blood sugar--if I eat bad, I don't get woozy sugar highs.

From the infusion, I went straight to urgent care, because I knew this bug wasn't dead without antibiotics and once the anti-oxidants wore off it would be ER time.

Turns out my thermometer at home isn't working properly because I did have a fever. And maybe walking pneumonia. For now my label is bronchitis, but I have to go back if I don't get better, to one of their sites that has an x-ray machine.

Just to make it more miserable, the antibiotic is Augmentin, which has been known to chain me to the toilet in the past. The doc said I might avoid that with a probiotic and some yogurt. I hope they're right. I'm due for a little less misery. I've been fighting this bug for 15 days now (I realized the day I had immense sinus and ear pain was the warning shot, so this started a little earlier than I began complaining about it).

Survivor

Yesterday I had about two hours where I felt like I was going to kick this bug and then I started feeling like poo-poo again. I went to an event where everyone introduced themselves one-by-one, but I have absolutely no memory of people saying their names. None. So farking loopy from being sick.

But it's two more hours than I've had since this thing took over my body 12 days ago. So we'll see.

Took 5mg. Wished it had been 10mg, but I'm trying not to get carried away. Steroids won't kill this bug and it's serious enough that steroids can't compensate for it fully either. I could take 100mg and it wouldn't do anything, I don't think.

Tried the green powder in a strong black tea with coconut oil. That seems to be doable. The yogurt wasn't working anymore for me. I don't know that I'll ever get up to the 2 tbsps. 'prescribed' for me, but I am trying.

And also still wiping green slime from the walls. Apparently I evicted it with some force.

Mother's Day was okay around these parts. Did you know that the day after Mother's Day is the day women sign up on affair sites en masse? It is the busiest day of the year for those companies. I did not have that compulsion this year (or any other year, for the record), but this cold just makes everything hard. I almost cancelled everything to go to Urgent Care instead.

Our big tradition is that we avoid restaurants (crazy crowded, not my thing) and just stay home, planting flowers and eating take out/grilling.

But somehow we got sucked into a restaurant meal. Mine was awful as all the broccoli tasted like greens powder.

Thankfully, we had time to go buy flowers and plant them afterwards (which is to say the hubby did all the work), which made my day. Once they are in full bloom, I'll take a picture. We have a gorgeous wall of irises in the back (blooming two months early thanks to climate change) and then annuals in front of them.

Failure

Yesterday, my stomach realized it had been remiss in its duties to provide the free world with acid. Acid for everyone! That's my stomach's motto.

By the time I took Nexium, it didn't even work.

So I'll ask and see what the alternative medicine people say. Not too hopeful that there's anything they can do. The alternative paradigm is that heartburn is because you have too little acid or lack enzymes, but my problem has always been that I overproduce.

Then, I could not get up. Just could not wake up on Friday. I was really down for the count. I had to call for help with the toddler because I just couldn't do it.

I did not stress dose, figuring maybe if I stayed in bed all day that things might improve. I rested all day, felt semi-human by the evening.

Of course, today, same problem. I'm so fatigued, I'm fighting to stay awake. And I just don't have time for this. May is probably, literally, the busiest month of my life (and the hubby's life, it's really insane). We have three different events going today alone and I have to be able to cope. So I took 5mg.

This chest cold turned head cold is not helping. I'm at that tipping point where I'll either get better or need antibiotics. Either way, it's pure sinus pain misery.

Shoot 'Em Up

I had my first Myer's Cocktail yesterday. It's an IV infusion of vitamins. Lots of vitamins. Then I had shots of B12 and D, right in my butt. I'm dipping my toe into the alternative medicine pool. I'm not quite sure yet how I like the water.

Oddly, the Myer's Cocktail triggered the asthma, which was on the edge anyway. I would start to ramp up into an acute attack and then it would fade away and then it would repeat over the course of the infusion. It was strange.

As usual, no one could get a vein, but they had some hot packs on hand and I drank some water. So, after three sticks and two IV solution bubbles under my skin, they finally got a line in.

I feel/felt pretty awful as a result. I don't know if that's because I'm fighting a bug or just because I'm me. When I had my first massage ever, it gave me such a terrible hangover, I was sick for two days. Sometimes when you stir the pot, you get yuck stew.

I spent most of the afternoon in bed just resting. And wheezing.