The Slow Come Back

I'm tired. I think it's the Melatonin I've been trying at night to sleep. I suspect 5mg is way too much and now I want to sleep all the time.

But then I have the 'pushing through jello' weakness in my limbs.

My lungs have been raw and I even had some wheezing, which has been rare this flare up.

I'm very cranky. Don't even look at me or I'll hurt you. Seriously. It's a low cortisol irritability but I don't plan to stress dose for severe bitchiness.

It's hard to tell what's up when there's just so much feedback. My body talks too much.

We did not make it to the graduation. My breathing got bad and I just decided to take it easy. We are pretty good at never missing big family events so hopefully people won't give me too much grief about it.

We are going to church today and down to a swim date, which I will probably sleep through. Or possibly stay home from, not sure yet.

I'm wearing new pants. I ordered them online in one of my oxygen deprived shopping sprees. Remember the ones that were too tight before so I didn't buy them? These are those. With the weight loss from being sick (which is slowly coming back, I think) they not only fit but are loose.

Loose is kind of bad because it means I need to find a new store. There are no more plus sizes for me.

Aside from the social impact of weight, fat is easier for me. Easier to dress. Better health. My most serious asthma flares the last six years were preceded by rapid weight loss. Nor does my cholesterol ever improve with weight loss. Or my blood pressure--that actually got worse.

But I do want to look nice in my kamikaze body. At least I can achieve that.