The List

 

1. We did test the one gene for the liver. It's called one thing if you have it but the actual gene goes by something else, which was why I thought we didn't test it.

So no known genetic link to the liver tumors to date. We'll see if there's any further insight to be gleaned from the exosome testing.

2. I realized we have appointments every day this month. Either for me or the teen. No wonder I'm so fucking exhausted. These appointments take hours. Some locations are an hour transit each way plus however long the appointment and labs are. It's easy to lose half a day and it takes so much energy.

So that's my life for the next several weeks. I have no idea how I'm going to work. Normally, I would have the energy to function around the time suck, but right now I don't. 

I've been thinking about whether to go to the covid recovery clinic here, but honestly, I don't have time for it. Maybe in September.

Mostly I want the medical stuff to stop. Yes, I started a lot of it. Doesn't mean I like it. I also didn't know how it was going to play out. They warned me about how I might be uninsurable from genetic testing, not anything else. (Spoiler: I'm already uninsurable. Asthma will do that to you.) And I certainly didn't give myself covid and whatever this forever recovery shit is.

3. I'm watching the news on the latest covid variant and just shaking my head. While I'm doing better, my oxygen still yo-yos. I think about all the people like me, coming into another covid infection already impaired from the last one and I wonder what keeps those of us already hit from being completely obliterated? 

Like, if I get covid again, I'm coming in with a 95 average oxygen level. I'll bounce up to 97 but I won't stay there. And I'll still get drops that go pretty low. So what does covid round 2 or 3, or 4 do? It's going to drop me into the 80s instead of bottoming out at 90 (like it did with the first round) since I'm already down?

I made some noises about being concerned about the drop in my oxygen baseline to the new pulmo. They blew me off. 95 is still good, I was told. You're good. You're fine. Such lovely toxic positivity.

But I'm extrapolating. Try to keep up. If my baseline has dropped, it means I get my ass kicked faster when the bugs hit my lungs. You want to be at 100 when a bug comes for you, not have oxygen already half way to needing to be hospitalized. 

Ideally, I get my oxygen to stop visiting 97 and actually stick there, which is as high as I can go ever since the 2010 infection that tried to kill me. And if I don't, I'm going to crash that much faster. Sorry, but I'm not positive about or thrilled with 95. It needs to go back up or I'm going to be in trouble.

Anyway, back to covid. The vaccines are fairly useless with this latest variant, although they are keeping up the theater that they'll keep you out of the hospital. I'm skeptical they'll do anything since it's been months since most of us have had a booster and we know the efficacy decays significantly and this new strain gives not one shit about any previous immunity. 

They say the vaccines would have saved only about 20-25% of those who died. How is that a rip-roaring success? It's better than nothing, but it's not close to being enough. It's definitely not great. Would you buy a car that only worked 20-25% of the time?  Only if you were desperate, only if it was your only option, right?

We still don't have a vaccine for Omicron. Our logistics are far too slow. We can't formulate, produce, distribute, or administer nearly fast enough. We'll all have had Omicron by the time there's a vaccine. Probably this new strain too.

Like, it's not working. None of it is working. And no one wants to think about it. Everyone wants to believe it's over, we've handled it, it's fine, blah blah blah. And then we all get covid again. Magical thinking killing us slowly over here.

I don't know. Maybe Paxlovid will save us. Assuming they can get their heads out of their asses and actually prescribe it and we have enough of it to go around.