Make It Make Sense

I'm gearing up for my pancreas MRI.

I finally got prednisone.

The root cause of the problem was my sleep deprivation.

I was so stupid tired I forgot to tell the podiatrist I needed prednisone for the MRI they ordered.

So I used the prednisone for the pancreas MRI figuring I could replace it easily enough.

Ha.

WRONG.

The prescription request was radioactive. No one would touch it. Not the PCP. Not the podiatrist. Not the hep. You'd think I was asking them to strip naked and TP the DEA's headquarters or something. It was ridiculous.

God forbid I ever screw up because of my health.

It was an innocent mistake. I'd barely slept for a week at that point because of my foot.

I'm sorry. I fucked up.

Please don't let me die of an MRI contrast allergy because of simple sleep deprivation. (How boring. I'd like something more elaborate if we're going to be killing me. Operate on the wrong limb, ignore an infection, accuse me of being an addict without any testing when I try to get the infection treated, insist I'm pregnant with triplets, and then dump me in the hospital CEO's boardroom during a board meeting. Oh and tell me you have the cure for me but I don't deserve it...that was a fun one from that one doctor. At least make it interesting.)

I finally was able to get another prescription after some elaborate begging and pleading. I groveled. I apologize profusely. I begged.

Like I said, the whole process with allergies is a bunch of WTF. No wonder AI screws up when patients have allergies.

No one ever knows what to do. But I'm also told contrast allergies aren't that unusual. Pick one! Make it make sense!

Speaking of...

My addict parents are far too interesting. I'd kill for some boring from any of my parents. The stepparent sibling is also in the mix and they're not an addict but they're aren't functioning much better. They hate my parent and can't face the mortality of their sibling and themselves. There's a lot of triangulating going on with these guys and me and my siblings trying to make us take sides. We are all OVER IT.

Between the teen and I, there's been 9* medical appointments and/or tests this week. 9! And we are trying very hard to find things we can cancel! 

I don't have time for much more. I still need to work and my sleep is all screwed up which makes it all harder. There's no room on the plate for self sabotaging retirees. 

And yes, 9 appointments between us and 5 more next week. Yes, it's ridiculous. I don't know what to tell you. The worst part is I have even more specialist referrals now and I suspect I'm going to need more imaging...maybe I'll get by with an ultrasound though. Having a body that likes to grow tumors is a huge time suck and medicine has no sense of efficiency for patients like me. 

Basic things like dealing with the asthma are harder now because I have a new pulmo who wants to fuck with my inhalers and make me to tap dance for the steroid supply that will keep me out of the ER. Sure. Let's fuck up the one thing that we could keep stable. Let's assume me staying out of the ER and hospitals lo these many years has nothing to do with having meds on hand. Okay.

Apparently, I have no endo at all and it took 3 appointments and over a year to get the endo I've been seeing to tell me that they weren't my endo and I need someone else in addition to them. (No, really! And yes, I was point blank asking and they just...wouldn't respond. Welcome to being a woman. If they're already not listening and you push, that kind of man...they can turn on you, so ime as a woman, you have to tread lightly to have a shot at getting your needs met. Your mileage and approach may vary, but that's been my experience.)

The geneticist was supposed to evaluate for a unifying diagnosis, but doesn't want to do further testing since their 'calculator' shows my risk is 4%. But what do I care about their numbers when my one set of tumors are .007% of the population? I'm not a number. I'm a tumor factory...can we find out why????

4% is a lot of .007%...

Odds mean nothing when you're an outlier.

Again, make it make sense. 

This isn't sustainable. It's crazy pants.