THC BS

 As I mentioned, I tried THC edibles while we were out of town to see if it would work for me.

Aaaand...

Nothing as far as I can tell.

I don't think my body was made for opiates.

I got a little groggy on 2.5mg of THC and more fever dream loopy on 5mg, but it didn't change my pain or do much else.

Can I even get high?

I'm not sure. 

I've hallucinated on opiate medications.

Felt dizzy and loopy.

But high? On THC?

Not as far as I can tell.

There is some noise out there that you have to try THC more than once to see how it's going to work, but after 5mgs the one night, I just wasn't interested. I didn't like the hangover and I didn't like the fever dream phase...it was very headache-y, flu-y, and unpleasant.

Am I having the experience most people enjoy but I'm missing the biochemistry that makes it fun OR am I having an actual weird reaction? I can't tell. When I research what it means to be high, it doesn't sound like what I experience. I don't get euphoric or giggly or find everything amusing. Everything is weird and harsh and unsettling...like coming out of a dark movie theater and immediately staring into the sun.

I have one more CBD product to try and then I'm calling it done. This is expensive and I don't like not knowing how I'm going to react. I mean, so far it's underwhelming but if the switch flips and things get wild...eh...that's about as attractive to me as thong underwear made out of barbed wire.

Which is unfortunate. I'd hoped that THC would be a go-to that would keep me from slowly poisoning my liver and kidneys with NSAIDs as I'm reaching the point where I could take them 24/7*. But no such luck.

I could use a little luck as apparently I have arthritis and bone spurs in both hips now. During the day, any discomfort is largely a non issue (unless there's a cold wind), but the pressure of laying in bed at night is very irritating and difficult to mitigate. It'd be great to have an easy button for that...

Next up is to get through the neuroma surgery, go to PT for the hips, and then get into injections. I'm also hoping the switch to warmer weather will help too. I don't know if surgery would be an option at this stage or how effective it would be so we'll see. 

(Side bar: I know I don't know anything yet on the hip, but just the idea of more surgery is a lot of whoa to me. It's kind of crazy how the surgeries, even potential ones, are stacking up. For a minute, I thought I must be having a lot of surgery compared to everyone else, but Google says the average number of surgeries a person has in their lifetime is allegedly 9 and I'm only at 7 going on 8. I'm not even average yet! That the average is so high is crazy to me too! I wonder what the median and mode actually are...)

As for my knee, the x-ray didn't reveal anything, not even the arthritis I was told was there years ago, so apparently my body either cured arthritis in one spot and it's a referral from my hip or it's a soft tissue issue or the x-ray sucked. I have no idea when I'll get to it. I'm limping along for now. Too many things want attention. The knee will just have to wait in line.

(I hate to say it, but the story with the knee is consistent with everything I bitch about here. Dislocated it as a teen. Told the doctor it wasn't right still after the brace came off. Was blown off by the doctor who sneered at me as if I was a medical junkie. Wasn't offered PT. No follow up. The joint slipped in and out of socket for years before eventually stabilizing. I would have periodic issues with pain and would seek care here and there, but nothing was ever done because I didn't meet any criteria to do anything.  Although, I did eventually get PT...but then I had to cancel it because I got diverticulitis and well, I gave up at that point. That and the exercises were all shit I was already doing. PT didn't have much to offer on this one. When it started swelling up like a cantaloupe post covid, I thought maybe things had finally become clinically relevant...guess not.)

*I avoid NSAIDs as much as possible. One, to preserve their power for really bad pain. I don't want to be habituated to them and then have no options with some new awful pain or flare. (Especially since opiates aren't going to save me.) Two, to protect my liver and kidneys. Which means...I have to mind control the pain. 

You know, it's all very tiring. It takes a lot of energy and grit to ignore pain and the demand is endless. My sleep is kind of a hot mess. Unfortunately, I've developed a negative association with my bed that I'm struggling to counter; a Pavlovian response where bed now equals pain despite my best efforts to keep things Zen-y sleep hygiene.