Everything Is Worse Everywhere

 You know, there really needs to be a documentary or reality show about all this aging parents shit. We need to get some of these dynamics out in the open so people have a fucking fighting chance.

My parent pretty much lost everything to a lonely heart scammer.

Had an epic addict meltdown.

Plus, has been wandering around naked in public while losing control of their bladder. More than once.

Yes, that's right, class. Please welcome Felony Charges.

Oh look! They brought their friend, Divorce. 

My parent will be forced to divorce their spouse of 30 years courtesy of spouse's family. 

And they can't accept that any of what I just wrote is true.

So our discussions go round and round. 

You have no money for an attorney. 

I have money. 

No you don't. 

Yes, I do. Spouse has it.

Spouse is under their sibling's POA now. That money is no longer available.

What do you mean? I have the POA.

No, you don't. Where is your money? The money in your name?

My fiancee has it. 

You don't have a fiance. 

Yes I do. Get into my Facebook and message them. I have investments with them and they've been doing really well. We're getting married in September.

There are no messages from anyone by your finace's name in your messages. They don't exist. You're not getting married. There is no one to marry.

You're stupid. Get your sibling to do it. They're smarter.

Every day they call me and refuse to listen. Every day I spend hours and hours navigating this mess. 

I'm so tired. Emotionally exhausted. 

How do you get through to someone who's in the middle of detoxing and clearly not functioning well? Who never listens and can sit there in jail and tell me they know better than everyone, including the police...when they can't even remember what the fuck happened? How?

I need to know what I can sell. I need them to release their property to me so I can get the car out of impound and maybe sell it.

It took a few days to find me, but I have POA. I can take unilateral action, but I'm trying to work with my parent so they can tell me what they need, what protects their interests.

But they can't do it.

Yes, clearly incompetent, but the criminal charges are moving faster than everything else. Because there's no money. We may never have a chance to establish the incompetency in any meaningful way.

We'll see. 

But wouldn't you like to watch a show navigating that kind of a situation? Because I sure would. 

Will my parent end up in a nursing home or rehab or prison? Stay tuned because none of us know what the fuck will happen next either.

I politely told the APS supervisor their entire office sucked. They've caused material harm to my parents despite dozens of phone calls from several people. We tried and tried and tried and omg tried. They barely lifted a finger. May their parents drag them through a similar experience...

Did you know...at least where I'm at, there's no way to make an official complaint about the APS office?I sincerely believe they're incompetent and negligent. That they are actively harming people beyond just my parents. I'd like to alert someone to that. But there's no mechanism to do so. At all. 

For comparison, the social worker for my district...they're the one helping me. They have no official role--my parents aren't their jurisdiction--but out of the kindness of their heart, through the connection of community, they have spent several hours on the phone explaining guardianship to me. 

I literally just teared up. I'm so grateful to that social worker. Someone actually tried to help. They can't do much because the mess isn't in their district, but I'm much better oriented on the guardianship piece.

Enough to realize the lawyer that answered the phone was going to make me do all the legwork and take $5,000 to file paperwork (that they made me put together) for $200.

Bitch, please. I can file that shit myself.

Worse, I asked them a question on information I didn't have and they couldn't answer it*. Let me get this straight...I pay $5k just to for them to file my paperwork (again, that I set up) and they don't even know how to help me problem solve?

Brilliant. APS must be ignoring this scam extra hard.

But guardianship doesn't matter much right now. Parent is still in jail. No criminal defense attorney in sight. We're still trying to find money. 

The goal is to plea down the felony. You can't get into most nursing homes with a felony on your record so that's kind of important. 

We are hoping my parent is sentenced to a correctional rehab program. My parent, of course, has a different agenda.

I don't think they can give up their addiction. I really don't. I think they'll be sober while they're in custody and then go right back to using. I fully expect, if not now, then later they will end up in prison for the end of their life.

I hope they prove me wrong, but it's bad. It's really bad. I don't see them overcoming it and there's just not enough money to endlessly defend them from their stupidity. Their lonely heart scammer saw to that.

We are just lucky stepparent has just enough left to squeak by. They should be okay. So long as my parent doesn't get into their money ever again. It also helps that stepparent is too passive and unfocused now to chase their addiction. They're not going to fight being cut off. 

So. Anyway.

Meanwhile...teen...we've been to some doctors. It's going slow. Options so far suck. No diagnosis still. Some doctors have really let us down.

I've come to realize they give up on you if they can't figure it out. My sense is they tell themselves there's nothing wrong...they don't recognize they're unable to diagnose. Bite your tongue depressor and shove a stethoscope up your ass, they would never miss a diagnosis! No, it's always the patient who's the problem.

Medicine is stupid. I've just seen them miss too much and then get snotty about it. It's dumb.

Meanwhile, the patient community has some leads for us. So that's good. 

I just wish it wasn't always such a battle when a body isn't being obvious. Bodies don't read textbooks. If there are objective problems and a doctor gives up...yeesh. Please quit your day job. You suck. Especially in peds.

As for me...my foot was doing okay but then I almost fell and caught myself with my full weight on my foot so... It's burning. Otherwise, it's the same old same old. Hip hurts yadda yadda. 

Mostly I'm just really stressed though. I stopped eating, realized it, and have been trying to make sure I'm eating. I'm just really really stressed and very very busy chasing all the things.

Work? What's work? I haven't touched work. No time. And yes, that could cost me.

*For the record, there's a certain amount of sleuthing in these situations. You have to track down a lot of people connected to your parent to file for guardianship. I was going through my parent's house like Nancy Drew. Craziness.