Friday, April 30, 2010

This Is Probably Gross and It Meanders

Just FYI the toddler appears to have avoided the stomach flu. I think she may have had a mild case as evidenced by some wet hiccups that she swallowed, but other than that she was fine (even whilst channeling Linda Blair).

That was the gross bit. Now for something else.

The lesson I took from yesterday is I can't do anything and expect to feel well. Or rather, I may choose to do ONE thing after which the rest of the day will involve laying prone, panting for air and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Plus using the rescue inhaler when the asthma flares from the strain. Even sugar doesn't help any more.

This is ridiculous. The internet says I should recover from steroid withdrawal anywhere from 2 to 7 days up to several weeks.

The thing is I HAVE A LIFE.

A life, that as flexible as it is, has a hard time accommodating the ONE THING ONLY limitation.

A life that can't wait forever. Involving people who depend on me. And a small business.

I need to parent, to cook, to clean, to work and, apparently, I can pick just one of those a day. I have not cleaned anything in 6 days. I haven't cooked since I was taking 10mg of prednisone daily--I'm actually throwing out food. Exercise is almost 9 days gone.

I am seriously going to miss some work deadlines at this point--I am too tired to turn out quality work right now and am behind as a result--on top of being behind when I was sick before. With tutoring, I've already lost one student. I still may have to give up the other.

Being self-employed means I don't get FMLA or disability or paid vacation time. I either work or I lose income.

I need the energy to be productive.

I want to call and say this to the pulmonologist on Monday. It seems extreme to me that I am so incapacitated. I'm all for powering through and goodness knows I hate prednisone,but right now I'm losing more ground than I ever gained. I'm going backwards in material ways and it needs to stop.

Having asthma was better. I knew I should've just stayed home.

I tried it her way and, who knows, perhaps without the stomach flu, it may have been okay. But I am not okay now and I do not see positive change other than the muscle pain has calmed down. Even that is only a partial victory as I still have painful spasms any time I stretch or extend a limb--enough to keep me up at night.

Hopefully this weekend will bring about a miracle, but, if not, come Monday I'm going to have to become much more assertive about what's going on.

Which hahahaha, the joke's on me. If I can't hack a trip to the mall, how am I going to show up for blood work? That should be interesting.

1 comment:

  1. I have had a wirewind trip of emotions after going through a couple months of prednisone use. I havent been able to sleep for a while now, and I cannot stop taking it.

    ReplyDelete

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