A Slow Simmering Stew

All right. Got in touch with the hep.

MRCP in 6 (really 8 months because of my schedule--we have an out-of-state family wedding I want to enjoy. No way I want to know I'm super fucked right before that. We'll wait until after.).

I'm looped in with patients and am getting the scoop on that end.

The plan is to compartmentalize until the MRCP and focus on what's in front of me, including some family trips and enjoying what we can given this may very well be the final respite before the shit hits the fan. Do the MRCP and then schedule second/third opinions around the MRCP date.

If this was just the pancreas, I'd be moving faster on a second opinion just based on the MRI, but I can't quite figure out how to balance the logistics of all my tumors and specialists. I can't just run off and do whatever wherever because then I could mess up care for the liver. 

The hep is hip and all and would probably work with me, but it's getting to be a bit of a tangled web. There is something to be said for keeping the process flow united and not dividing it into a hundred different side quests. Or maybe that's just a thing when you have lots of tumors that require babysittig.

Things are just complicated anymore. Which in and of itself increases risk for all sorts of poor outcomes. Bah.

And I need to get through the colonoscopy too. Which is soon. I feel like I've been talking about it forever. But it's coming. I swear.

So that's where we are now. Doing the testing where it's offered and worrying about talking to top level specialists later.

Sleep apnea...will be shelved. Don't care. It's not my biggest problem. I feel better not treating it than I did treating it. I'm not even looking at surgery for it. Pulmo will have to roll with it. 

I'm going to be focusing on losing more weight and getting back into shape in case I have to have surgery for the pancreas next year. That will have to be enough for the pulmo and hopefully it'll improve the apnea. I'm not going to risk another asthma flare like I had any time soon. It's not worth it.

If the MRCP comes back fine (which I am not optimistic based on the MRI report--at the very best it disappears, at better-than-nothing it'll need more watch-and-wait imaging, at worse we get into resection territory-- although please do let me be all kinds of wrong) we'll revisit.

It looks like the liver tumors may very well save my life...in like, the suckiest most painful way possible but still. How weird.

So simmering everything on the back burner for the next 8ish months. Focusing aggressively on a healthy diet and exercise and family fun because life is short and tomorrow is not promised. And crossing fingers this turns out.

I'm doing my best to keep the teen oblivious. She knows I need more imaging, but has no concept of stakes, and at this point, me doing medical stuff is just what mom does. It doesn't register. Not telling family or friends...it's too soon and I'm tired of being a fucking mess all the time.