Day 3 Prednisone

 Finally my breathing has turned the corner. It was a looooong three days. I'm still short of breath on activity and stairs  and I'm deeply, deeply exhausted BUT my peak flow is finally back to normal.

I don't usually monitor my peak flow much but they were kind of hyper about it at my last pulmonary function testing so I checked it this latest round of asthma.

Low of 350.

Normal is 650. That took 3 days to get back. Usually I feel better faster than this.

I'm leery of what happens next. I hate all my options. It'd be better if the APAP had worked. Now I wait to see if the provider continues to be as solid as they've been and possibly face surgery.

Bah. 

And of course, now that I'm up for working at a 100 mph, the internet seems to be more out than in across the entire state today.

Bah humbug.

But the stuff I had to renege on work-wise has made me stop and think. I was planning to get something off that ground that has potential to grow into another five/six figures gross per year (starting off in the thousands though). I had to table it as I was so sick and I knew that there would be a lot of medical fuckery incoming because I had such problems with the APAP. If there's a surgery...that's too much downtime, too many unpredictable, chaotic inputs.

You need stability and focus to run a business. You can't be 50%, you need to be 1000%. I've been really fortunate that I am good at leveraging things half assed, but there is a limit to that. You can't half ass everything all the time. So now I'm wondering...maybe I need to back off and rein in my work? Should I not try to expand and increase revenue? Is it worth the risk? 

I'm undecided at the moment. But I'm feeling like I got too ambitious. That I forgot how easily my health derails me. I don't get the same choices, opportunities, and outcomes as folks without disruptive health stuff. I have to balance it all very carefully.

Did I forget myself? I think I may have.

Outsource it, right? I wish. I do outsource a lot of admin work, but there's an element of curation to what I do, to it being me watching and noticing and putting things and people together. I'm like a matchmaker between people and ideas and strategies. I can't just hand that off. Other people don't see or recognize systems and patterns like I do.

So the answer would be to find something less personal. I have no idea what that would be though lol. That's not how my brain works. That's not where my magic is.

I will say, I wish I'd learned about the stock market. I wish I liked the stock market. I'd be good at those data patterns and much more financially secure as a result. I just...loathe numbers. I'd rather not, given a choice. But it would have been way more efficient.

 Sometimes I still try to talk myself into it, but the way I earn money has to be personally satisfying to me or I'm not motivated. Which is probably my super annoying toxic trait lol.